


Don't Leave Me Here Alone

by Inthelittledoctor



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: AU, Alcoholism, Cheating, Children, Complications, Death, F/M, Failing relationship, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Masturbation, One Night Stand, Oral Sex, Phone Sex, Smut, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2018-06-07 03:33:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 28,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6783505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inthelittledoctor/pseuds/Inthelittledoctor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a one night stand with a man that insists on people calling him the Doctor, Clara assumes her life will go back to normal. It was just a one night stand after all. She would go back to life with her girlfriend and forgot that it ever happened, just like the rest of the one night stands. Apparently she couldn't have been even more wrong. They bump into each other by pure accident on multiple occasions after that fateful night, and Clara can't decide if it's fate or if the universe just hates her.</p><p>Her life starts to fall apart after time and she wonders if staying with her girlfriend is really the right thing to do if she's starting to develop feelings for someone else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Drunk Mistake

Sometime after her third or fourth shot she had stopped caring what others thought. This was a club, attendants expected questionable behaviour, so why not give them what they expected? By her sixth drink she can't even think straight, grinding against her asshole of a girlfriend that had brought her here. The booming music makes her head spin more than it already is, and on second thought, the woman she's grinding on may not be her girlfriend. Looking up, she sees hooded eyes looking down at her, the vision of the woman's face almost obscured by her far too large breasts (not that she was complaining about the view). Not Nina then. With her hips still moving languidly, she turns her head, seeing a pretty face obscured by dirty blonde hair sitting a little ways away, a drink held up to her lips. That would be Nina, then. 

Clara stumbles away from the woman she had been grinding on, giggling as she approaches Nina. 'Hia,' Clara greets drunkly, still giggling profusely. 

'Hello there, drunky,' Nina smiles,'Would you mind getting me another drink?' 

Bobbing her head in what she hopes looks like a nodding motion, Clara reaches out for the blonde's glass, turning on her heel and attempting to walk like a sober person to the bar. Turns out trying to walk like she's sober while she's drunk isn't the best idea. She ends up tripping on her own foot and almost banging her head on the counter of the bar, a pair of stick arms catching her before she does so. After a little struggle to stand up straight, she looks to the person that potentially just saved her from a disaster, surprised by what she sees. His silver hair is the first thing she notices and she has to fight the urge to run her hands through his curls, looking down at his face to see steel grey eyes staring back at her, his owlish eyebrows furrowed. Clearing her throat, she quickly turns towards the bar, taking a seat and ordering two drinks in a slurred voice. It's a miracle the bartender understands her. 

'You sure you should be drinking more?' A rough Scottish voice from behind her asks. 

She decides to ignore the man's comment, thinking that only she knows what's best for her. Someone sits on the stool next to her and she looks over, grinning when she sees his silver curls. 'Hey you. Come back to save me from myself, have you?' 

'Perhaps I have,' he replies, running a hand through his hair. 

The bartender places her drinks in front of her, giving the man next to her a strange look before moving on to the next customer. She picks up one of the glasses and hands it to the man, giving him what she hopes is a seductive smirk. It looks more like a grimace than anything else. The man looks at the liquid in his glass,'Is this scotch?' 

'Sure is,' Clara replies giddily, looking down at his long fingers encasing the scotch filled glass. 

'How'd you know that I like scotch?' He questions, looking up at her, an eyebrow raised to match his tone. 

She shrugs, still focused on his hand, wondering what his long fingers could to other than hold that glass. That's when she notices something, a warning sign sparkling in the lights of the club on his right finger. 'Are you married?' She hadn't meant to say that out loud. 

His brow furrows and he looks at her for a few moments, looking absolutely lost. Following her gaze, his eyes land on his ring and then quickly snap back up to her, words falling out of his mouth,' I used to be, yes. Not anymore.' 

'Why wear the wedding ring then?'

He looks down at his drink, a sudden sadness in his features,'Guess I wear it in remembrance of her.' 

A giggle leaves the brunette,'I thought you wore it to scare off women.'

'Ah, yes, that would be one of the reasons as well,' his tone drips with sarcasm. 

Clara smiles,'Sorry to disappoint, but your ring trick isn't working on me.' 

'Damn, how will I ever scare you away?' Did he just tease her? Or was that his attempt at flirting? 

She downs the rest of her drink and gains the courage to say what she wants to say next,'I think bringing me home with you would be a good first step in scaring me away.' 

He takes a sip of his drink, his eyebrows raised in consideration,'I may take you up on that offer.'

-

After one more drink on her part and a few on his, he's pulling her out of the club and hailing a cab, his hand fidgeting in hers. She rests her head on his shoulder when they settle in, their hands still linked. What she would give right now to be able to shag him in the back of this cab. Feeling breath on her ear, she looks over to she his face a lot closer to hers than she anticipated, a giggle escaping her as she drinks in his features. Not to brag or anything, but she did get quite lucky this time round, luring in a man that was quite handsome with his defined features. The man's free hand is placed lightly on her cheek, turning her head away from him as his lips ghost her ear and he begins to whisper profanities to her. 

Well, if she wasn't turned on before, she certainly is now. As if granting some wish she didn't even know she had, the cabbie announces that they've arrived at their destination, and she quickly reaches for her purse, only to realise she had left it at the club. With Nina. On any other occasion, she would be losing her mind, remembering that she had a girlfriend and that she had left all of her money with said girlfriend, but with all of the alcohol flowing through her veins and the majority of her blood in places that currently were not her brain, she couldn't find it in herself to care. 

Luckily the man next to her didn't have to carry a purse and dug his hand into his pocket, pulling out some crumpled bills and throwing them in the general direction of the cabbie. Clara laughs at this, much like she had laughed at everything else he had done this evening. The stick insect of a man pulls her out of the cab, pulling her to the door of his house and managing to get his key into the lock after a few failed attempts in which he accidentally stabbed his door, turning it and pushing the door open, shoving her inside with a mischievous grin on his lips. Stepping in and closing the door behind him, he grabs her wrists and spins her around, pinning her to the door with her hands above her head. 

'Gods, I've wanted to do this all evening,' he breathes out, promptly crashing his lips against hers before she gets the chance to respond. 

His tongue is quick to part her lips, eliciting a muffled moan from her and causing her to shove her tongue into his mouth, fighting for dominance. Teeth graze her lower lip and she arches into him, her hips grinding instinctively against his. His low growl into her mouth sends shivers through her body and his mouth sloppily leaves hers, kisses being trailed down her chin and to her neck. As she goes to reach down for the growing hardness between his legs, he shifts away from her, making a small amount of distance between the two of them and giving her a smouldering look that makes her almost orgasm on the spot. 

'Bedroom,' he pants, hands falling from her wrists. 

She nods roughly, letting her arms fall to her sides and feeling a hand encase hers, stumbling after him as he quickly makes his way to his room. They fall onto the bed unceremoniously, the both of them trying to suppress laughs as they look into each other's eyes. Hands begin to explore her body, wet kisses being placed on her neck as he works on the zipper of her dress, pulling it off and throwing it on the floor. He makes quick work of his jacket and t-shirt, haphazardly throwing them behind him and going back down on her, lips attacking her collarbone. The brunette moans, back arching up into him, causing his strained member to graze just the right place as his hips start bucking. It seems like a mutual agreement between the two of them that they need to get each other's clothes off as fast as possible so they can be joined, him working on her bra and her unbuckling his belt, pulling down his trousers and having him kick them the rest of the way off. His hand goes down between them and palms her through her knickers, causing her to squirm under him, breathy moans leaving her. 

Two fingers push her knickers aside and dip into her, going at a slow and agonising speed. 

'Faster,' she begs, breathless. 

He obliges, the sound of his fingers plunging in and out of her mixed with the sound of her soft moans filling the room. 

'That good?' He asks, tone deep and seductive. 

'Mm hm,' she keens. 

A third finger is added to the equation and she feels her orgasm begin to build, those damn clever fingers of his feeling far too good inside of her. She runs a hand down her stomach and into her knickers, beginning to roughly rub her clit, eager for release. His fingers hit just the right spot and she arches her back in a way that's almost painful, crying out as she clenches around him, her orgasm washing over her. When she comes back to her senses, she opens her eyes, seeing him stark naked in front of her stroking his member. 

'I need to be inside of you,' he breathes out, and she, not quite trusting herself with words, just nods. 

He rids her of her remaining garment in a flash, positioning himself on top of her with his hands on either side of her head before entering her, the both of them releasing noises of pleasure at the sensation. He pulls out and pushes back in roughly, filling her almost completely. 

'You feel so good,' he groans, bowing his head. 

Beginning to thrust in and out of her, he quickly picks up his pace, her attempting to match his thrusts even though there was no clear rhythm. He buries his head in the crook of her neck, placing a sloppy open mouth kiss there, biting down when she decides to change the angle. She was going to have a tough time hiding that bite from Nina. She didn't want to think about Nina right now, why was she thinking about her?

'Fuck me harder,' she pleads. 

His member hits deeper, moving faster and causing her to give into the pleasure and forget completely about Nina. She squints her eyes open, looking at the scrunched up face of the man inside of her. His movements become erratic and uncoordinated, hitting a certain spot that makes her squeeze her eyes shut and release, him following promptly after, spilling his seed inside of her. 

They sit there for a moment, basking in the post orgasm bliss, the both of them forgetting that they had just slept with a complete stranger. He lets out a ragged breath, pulling his softening member out of her and falling to her side, turning away from her. She hears him mumble something about a river before he drifts off to sleep and disregards it, thinking that it's just the alcohol talking. 

She falls asleep a few minutes later, not a worry in the world.


	2. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a one night stand with a man whose name she doesn't even know, Clara is offered breakfast, which she accepts for reasons she doesn't quite know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did someone say regrets and girlfriends making out? No? Okay then. Sorry to inform you, but that's what this chapter's all about.

She didn't even know it was possible to have this bad of a hangover. Her head was throbbing, and every time she tried to open her eyes even the slightest bit, the sunlight seeping through the window would sting, causing her eyes to snap right back shut. A groan comes from the man lying next to her. The man next to her? She looks over to her side, suddenly uncaring about the way the light stung her eyes. Laying there in all of his naked glory was the man from last night, a man she hardly even remembered. Her stomach clenches. She was going to puke in a stranger's room. How lovely. Reaching for the bin at the side of the bed, she positions herself over it, coughing harshly before promptly puking her guts out. 

She feels the bed behind her shift and if she wasn't currently occupied, she'd probably apologise for the night before. A few seconds pass and she's spitting into the bin, trying to get the taste of stomach acid and vodka out of her mouth. She feels the man behind her pull her hair back, as if he were expecting her to do what she just did again. She didn't think that she really had enough left in her to do it again. 

'I'm okay,' She informs weakly, her voice ringing through her ears. 

Her hair falls back onto her shoulders and she turns her head, seeing him get out of bed and swiftly put on his pants. He walks over to her and grabs the bin up off the floor, exiting the room with an emotionless expression. The list of things she was doing wrong just kept in growing. First she flirted with a man even though she had a girlfriend, then proceeded to sleep with him and upchuck on his carpet the next morning. He really must be loving her right now. 

'Do you want anything for breakfast?' A Scottish brogue is interrupting her muddled thought process and pulling her back into reality. 

It takes her a moment to process his words. He'd just offered her breakfast, what a gentleman he was. His kindness makes her want to puke again. 'I think I'll just be going, my girlfriend is probably wondering where I am,' she all but whispers, her head aching too bad for her to speak any louder. 

'Please, I insist. I can't let you go home on an empty stomach.' 

How could she not take him up on his offer when he was this insistent? Part of her mind is screaming for her to leave, go home to her flat and escape the awkward morning after that was being drawn out far too long, yet another part of her thought that coffee and toast did sound pretty damn good right now. So, as any logical hungover person would do, she opted for the option that involved a way to cure her headache. She informs him of what she wants and he leaves her in the privacy of his bedroom to get dressed. Climbing out of the unfamiliar bed, she feels her limbs ache and wonders if it's from the alcohol or the workout she had gotten while she was drunk. Her head spins as she stands up, picking her clothing up off the floor and carelessly throwing it on, not quite caring how she looked. He had seen her in worse conditions after all. 

She walks out of the room and finds him in the kitchen, a spatula in hand as he scrambles eggs without interest. On the table behind him is a plate with toast on it, butter and jam placed in the middle of the table. 'The toast on the table is for me, I assume?' Her words cause him to start, his head snapping in her direction. 

He nods wordlessly, focusing his attention back to the task at hand. Walking over to the table, she sits down, grabbing a knife and the jam. She spreads the jam on her toast, placing the knife down and looking up at him, wondering what inclined him to make breakfast for her. She takes a bite out of the toast, moaning quietly at the taste, thankful that it quickly washed away the taste of vomit. There's the click of a burner turning off and after a few seconds, he sits in front of her with a small heap of eggs on his plate. He stares into the eggs, almost as if he's too scared to look up at her. The coffee maker beeps at them a few seconds later, giving him an excuse to leave the situation for a moment and fill two mugs, only to come back over to the danger zone and place one of them in front of her, positioning himself in his seat afterward, raising his mug to his lips and grimacing. He gets up again and opens his cupboard, searching through it for a moment and pulling out some sugar, returning to the table and dumping an obscure amount of sugar in his coffee. Sitting down, he takes another sip and sighs contently. 

They eat in silence for the first few minutes, the both of them staring down at their food, her sneaking little glances at him every so often just to see if he was even still there. He's the one that finally breaks, looking up at her and introducing himself for the first time. 'I'm John, by the way. John Smith. Most people just call me the Doctor.' 

She looks up at him and snorts,'Sounds like a weird kink.'

'It's a nickname that stuck,' he informs, giving her a nervous smile. 

'I'm Clara. Clara Oswald,' she smiles the only way one can smile at a man they'd just had a one night stand with. 

'Clara,' he tests the name out, his smile becoming more confident as he does so. 

She gives him a sympathetic smile in return and says nothing else, the silence between them returning as they finish their meal. Looking up, she sees him taking the last sip of his coffee, setting his mug down and staring down at the table with a distant look in his eyes. She really should get going. Perhaps he wouldn't mind if she just got up and left. She goes to stand up, her movement causing him to look up at her. 'Are you leaving?' He looks unsure, but of what, she hasn't a clue. 

'Yeah. It's been interesting meeting you, John,' she turns to leave. 

A hand grabs her wrist to stop her, her looking behind her to find John looking at her with pleading eyes. 'Can I see you again?' He asks. 

Her mind goes blank. She'd just wanted this to be a one night stand, nothing more. Yet, he seems to want so much more out of this. No one goes into a one night stand expecting to get a relationship out of it, so what was he going for? Friends that shag on occasion? 'I have to go,' she whispers, pulling her arm away from him and storming out of his flat, slamming the door behind her. 

She looks back at his door, the black letters on it bringing back memories of the night before. Shaking those memories out of her head, she runs down the stairs and out of the building, hoping to put this whole ordeal behind her. She walks home, pushing the thought of John completely out of her mind. 

-

By the time she gets home it's started raining, a compliment to the way her day was already going. She's quick to get to her flat, bolting up the stairs and knocking on the door desperately. The door opens to revel a very stern looking Nina on the other side, a moment of silence passing between the two before Nina steps aside, allowing the brunette entrance. Clara enters gratefully, immediately heading towards the living room and collapsing onto the couch. Nina comes in promptly after, looking down at the girl collapsed on the couch with a sigh. 

'What's his name?' 

The question surprises Clara, her head snapping up and her eyes going wide. Of course Nina knew. It was so blatantly obvious that it would be a miracle if she were not to know. 'I'm sorry,' Clara blurts out, 'I was drunk and I did a daft thing.' 

Nina runs a hand through her hair, letting out a deep breath. She steps towards the couch and lifts the brunette's legs, sitting down on the couch and depositing the legs on her lap, resting her hands atop them. 

'I'm sorry, Nina. I love you,' Clara whispers, looking down at the woman under her legs. 

'Having a hard time believing that last part right now,' Nina lets her head drop back onto the couch, eyes focused on the ceiling. 

Clara pushes herself up into a sitting position, using one arm to keep her upright and placing the other one on Nina's cheek, turning her girlfriend's head so she's looking at her. Nina gives her a sorrowful look, her eyes threatening to spill tears as she looks at the woman in front of her contently. 'First Danny, then Mishaela, and now whoever this grey haired stick of a man is.' 

'How do you know what he looks like?' Her voice is quiet, cautious. 

'I saw you leaving the club with him last night, clinging onto him like he was some kind of lifeline. How am I supposed to trust you, Clara, when you keep on betraying my trust?' 

'Nina, please-' 

'No, I let the first two slip and blamed it on you being drunk. I can't let pretend like it didn't happen this time.' 

'I love you, please, Nina. Just forgive me one last time.' 

Nina pushes her bangs back off her forehead, bowing her head slightly. Clara ducks forward, pressing her lips to Nina's, smiling as the woman kisses her back. Nina's quick to to push the brunette back down onto the couch, her hand snaking under Clara's dress, hand gripping her thigh. Arching her back, Clara moans breathily as Nina's hand wanders up her thigh, grazing her sex. Their tongues explore each other's mouths, the bottom's hands beginning to roam the blonde's body. 

'God, I hate you so much,' Nina breathes out. 

'Shut up,' Clara whispers, effectively shoving her tongue down the woman's throat to silence her. A deep moan sounds from her throat. The moan is cut off by the sound of a knock at the door, causing the girl on bottom to groan and the girl on top to glare in the direction of afore mentioned door. 

'I've got it,' Clara moves out from under Nina, scrambling to the door in hopes of being able to quickly shoo away the nuisance and get back to what she was doing. Looking over at Nina, she gives her a small smile, opening the door without looking at the person on the other side. 'Me and my girlfriend are a tad bit busy at the moment. Would you mind-' 

'Girlfriend?' A Scottish brogue questions. 

Clara turns her head in the direction of the voice, her eyes wide and hidden with an unspoken anger. In front of her stood John Smith, a guilty look on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos if you enjoyed and comments are always appricated. I especially love getting comments on my multi chaptered fics.


	3. Regretting Remembering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara can't shake the thought of John out of her head after he shows up on her doorstep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a pain to write. I actually have a plan for this story at this point in time, so I hope to not struggle that much with future chapters. I say that now, but I'll be staring at my screen a few days from now, my mind comepletely blank.

'John,' Clara breathes out, her eyes like that of a doe in headlights. 

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt anything,' he lifts up his hand, her phone between his fingers,'You left this at my place.'

She looks down at the phone, her breath hitching. She didn't even remember having her phone. 'How did you know where I live?'

'Called one of your friends and asked,' he replies, all expression suddenly gone from his voice. 

'Well,' she reaches out and takes her phone, their fingers touching, causing her to quickly pull her hand away from his,'Thank you.'

There's an agitated groan from inside of the flat. Clara grimaces, giving the man in front of her an apologetic look. 'I should probably get back to her before she dies of sexual frustration,' she says. 

She goes to close the door, a foot stopping her from fully doing so. Opening the door, she forces a smile, getting a nervous smile in reply. 

John digs through one of his pockets, pulling out a folded up slip of paper and shoving it in her direction. Furrowing her brow at him, she takes the paper and unfolds it, seeing what she assumes is his number on it. She looks up at him, waiting for an explanation. 

'I don't do one night stands. I know you have a girlfriend and I'm probably getting in the way of that, but I don't want what happened between to be the only thing we remember of each other. All I'm asking for is dinner, not a date, just dinner.' 

She looks down at the paper in her hand, her mind blank. The immediate answer should be no, she has a girlfriend that she is perfectly happy with, but something about his desperation makes her want to say otherwise. Biting her lip, she feels herself nod slightly and says,'I'll think about it.'

Closing the door, she sighs, thinking about just how screwed she was. Nina calls her name from the living room, causing a stab of dread to go through her. She can hardly breath. Running to her room, she slams the door behind her and locks it, stumbling over to her bed. She collapses onto it and groans, her limbs stretched out across the bed. Footsteps come from the other side of the door and the door handle jiggles, a knock promptly following. Silence follows this and then a click is heard, the door handle turning smoothly and the door flying open, Nina stomping into the room. 

'What the hell! One second we're about to shag, and the next you're moping off to your room!' Nina complains. 

Clara doesn't reply, mainly due to lack of motivation to do so. Huffing, Nina sits down on the side of the bed, looking down at the collapsed girl. Nina places her hand on Clara's thigh, gently massaging the inside of it, purring,'I know you too well Clara. You may seem sad, but I could smell your arousal from all the way across the room.'

Leaning down, her hand roams higher, lips grazing Clara's ear,'And lucky for me I know exactly how to help with that.' 

Clara shivers, her mind blank as Nina's hand finally reaches her sex. She bucks into Nina's hand, letting out a light whimper as two fingers dip into her. She has a memory flash through her mind, one of John, his fingers slipping into her just as Nina's had done. The fingers inside of her slide swiftly in and out of her, hitting just the right spot every time they're thrust back into her. Clara bits back a moan as a third finger is introduced, Nina's fingers picking up the speed. 

'God, keep doing that,' she moans, arching her back. Those long fingers inside of her felt so good, she wanted them to never stop. 'Mhh, John,' she mumbles, voice flooded with pleasure. 

She's not sure what made her moan that name. Maybe it was just the fact that he was on her mind, or perhaps it was just remembering the thought of last night that made her do it. Nina's fingers stop. Clara groans,'I'm sorry. Please keep going, Nina.'

Fingers leaving her, Nina stands up, a look of pure rage on her face. 'No, y'know what, Clara? I think I've had enough of this. I'm leaving,' Nina says through gritted teeth, the volume of her voice wavering. 

Clara's eyes widen,'No, please-'

Her words are interrupted by the sound of her bedroom door slamming, leaving a painful sense of dread looming in the room. Well if this wasn't the absolute worst situation in the world, then she didn't know what was. Sexually frustrated and in a failing relationship. This was a new low for her. Shamefully, she pulls up her dress and rests her hand on her lower stomach, thinking of what she was about to do and if it was really worth it. She'd just feel even more sorrowful afterwards. But hell, she was so turned on, she'd be sorrowful and disappointed if she didn't. She snakes her hand down to her knickers, rubbing her clit through them. Her mind begins to wander as the fingers of her other hand slip inside herself, thoughts of what happened only a few minutes ago rolling through her mind. She can't get off to this. She needs something else. Someone else. 

John. 

Removing her hand from her clit, she reaches over for her phone, stilling the fingers inside of her as she shakily starts typing in the stick insect's number. She puts the phone up to her ear, listening to it ring as she slowly moves her fingers inside herself. There's a click on the other side of the line. 

_'Hello?'_

She hums in response, trying not to let the fact that she was touching herself shine through. She needs to hear more of his voice, his alluring Scottish accent flowing through her ear. 

_'Who is this?'_

'It's Clara,' she all but moans out. 

_'Ah! Clara, nice of you to call.'_

Her fingers start to move faster and she knows she won't be able to hold back a moan much longer. 'If I asked you to have phone sex with me, no questions asked, would you do it?' 

_'I-uh-probably. Why?'_

'No questions asked, remember?' She breathes out. The silence on his end prompts her to continue,'Now please, just shag me over the phone.' 

His breath hitches, no words coming from him. Not able to hold back anymore, she moans, bucking up into her hand. 

' _Fuck_ ,' the distinct sound of him unbuckling his belt rings through her ear. 

She breathes heavily into the receiver, hand moving deftly in between her legs as she works herself over. A groan sounds from him, cracked and distorted coming from her phone, but enough to arouse her nonetheless. 

_'What do you want me to say?'_

'What you want to do to me,' she replies breathlessly, her voice high. 

_'I want to mark you.'_

It was a strong entrance, she had to admit. She couldn't exactly say that she was opposed to the idea. She hums and let's her hand drift away from her phone, going to work at her clit. 

_'I want to make you mine, leave love marks on you and be inside you.'_

The image of him scattering rough kisses along her while being inside of her enters her mind, her hands absentmindedly working faster. 'I want you to take me hard and fast,' she gasps. 

' _I want that too_ ,' he groans, the sound of him pleasuring himself now evident through the phone. 

'I'm already so close, please keep going.'

_'Gods, the things I want to do to you, Clara Oswald. You drive me mad. I want to shag you so hard that you won't be able to walk right for the next week, and every time you sit down you'll feel a pain that will make you remember the way I fucked you.'_

She moans, her orgasm building up inside her and threatening to release. Hearing his pace pick up and his breath quicken, she attempts to thrust her fingers harder into herself, her arms aching. Something inside of her breaks with the breathy moan he releases and she's pushed over the edge, whimpering as her fingers work to make the pleasure last as long as possible. He follows a few seconds after, choking out a moan, the sound of his hand vigorously stroking his member abruptly stopping. Neither of them say anything for a while after that, the both of them coming down from their post orgasm high and trying to regain their breath. 

'Let's go to dinner tonight,' Clara says, her expression serene. 

_'Tonight?'_

'Yeah.'

_'I can't, I have a thing going on.'_

'What thing?' 

_'A really important thing that I can't miss. How about I call you when I'm free and we can do it then, yeah?'_

Clara sighs,'Okay.'

_'I have to go get ready now, I'll talk to you later.'_

'Goodbye, John.' 

_'Bye, Clara.'_

-

It was a Monday, and as far as Mondays went, it wasn't too terrible. Well, she may actually be lying about that last part. Her day in general was going well enough, but her thoughts were a whole other thing. She couldn't stop thinking about John. Why, she had no clue. He'd just been a one night stand and a way to get over Nina being an arse. Nothing more. So why was she thinking about him so much? It aggravated her to no end, not really knowing why she thought about John. As one would imagine, it's hard to teach children when her mind is racing with profanities, so she tells her students to read, attempting to get herself together, to no avail. 

The lunch bell ringing is a miracle in itself to her. She jumps up out of her chair and hastily makes her way to the teachers' lounge, hoping to find Danny there so she could spill her thoughts to him. As she enters, she sees a group of teachers gathered together, the expressions in their faces that of lust. A coworker beckons her over to the group and as much as she'd like to be left alone at the moment, she can't help but think that a distraction would do her some good. She joins the small group, listening as a coworker talks about a man she had met at a parent teacher conference over the weekend. 

'He was a silver fox! His hair was just begging to have someone's fingers run through it.'

Another coworker chimes in,' And he was a complete gentleman! You don't see that in a lot of men. It's either good looks or manners, not both. He's the complete package!' 

The teacher that was originally talking butts back in,'Lucky lady, his wife. Must be the happiest woman in the world.' 

'How do you know he's married?' 

'Had a wedding ring on.' 

Clara decides that it's her turn to join the conversation and questions,'Who're we talking about?' 

'Ellis Smith's father, John Smith,' one of the teachers replies. 

Her eyes widen a tad bit at the mention of John, but surely it was just a coincidence. There were thousands of John Smiths in the world, the chance that it was him was minuscule. Besides, this John Smith was married, meaning it couldn't be him. 

By the time lunch is over, her thoughts of John have only gotten worse. Not only was it memories, but now there was a mix of fantasies in there as well. She sincerely hoped this would blow over, because if not, she was completely screwed. She teaches the last of her classes a minimal amount of information and throws books at them, telling them to read as far as they can before class is over. They complain, of course, like most students do. She tells them that if they aren't willing to read, then they are to talk quietly amongst themselves. That goes relatively well and gets them to stop bothering her. The school day ends and all she can think about is going home to her flat and collapsing into her couch with a tub of ice cream, watching Pride and Prejudice and eating her troubles away. Yet, she can't, because due to a stupid choice she made, she has to stay at the school for parent teacher conferences. In an hour. Which meant an hour of mindless fiddling and thinking of John Smith.

Deciding not to completely waste her time, she opens her desk drawer and takes out some papers she had been meaning to mark, picking up a pen and getting to work. The first paper belongs to Courtney Woods, which meant half of it was snide comments. If she was being honest, she enjoyed the snide comments at the moment, it helped distract her. Six markings later and ten minutes before the meetings officially start, there's a knock at her door. 

'Come in,' she calls, not bothering to look up at the door. 

The door opens and a deep voice begins to speak,'I hope it's okay that I'm a few minutes early, I have plans later with a friend and I-'

His words cut off as he looks down, and her, not quite paying attention, looks up at his silence and freezes. Her eyes widen. 

'Clara...hi,' John greets awkwardly. 

She tilts her head slightly, a murderous look in her eyes. She was going to kill him.


	4. Torture in The Form of Parent Teacher Conferences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara discovers somethings new about John and a calm John and wound up Clara precede to have a parent teacher conference. New charcters enter the story, although they're just boring old parents who have a kid named Melody.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this chapter, because if you think this story has been chaos so far, then you have no clue what's coming for you.

'What the hell are you doing here?' She hisses out, genuinely considering murder at this point. 

'I'm here for a meeting with my daughter's teacher, who just happens to be you,' he replies calmly. 

'I'm sorry, but did you know that I was your daughter's teacher when you decided to take me to bed?' 

'I didn't, no. Just now found out that part.'

Sighing, Clara looks down at the half marked paper on her desk, not entirely knowing what to do. He had a kid, how was she supposed to process that? More importantly, how was she supposed to not think about John Smith when she taught his child?

'Would it be okay if I sat down?' He asks, interrupting her thoughts. 

She nods slightly, attempting to get her thoughts together and calm down. He strides over to the chair in front of her desk, sitting down and giving her a small smile. Taking a deep breath out, she looks up at him and puts on her best teacher face. 'So, Ellis Smith is your child?' 

'She is, yes.'

'Good to know you have a child,' she murmurs, leaning down and opening a drawer, digging through it to find Ellis' papers. 

Pulling out a stack of papers, she places them onto the desk, putting her markings aside and looking up at John, seeing a soft smile on his lips. Clearing her throat, she picks up the paper on the top of Ellis' pile and puts it in front of him. 'As you can see, this is Ellis' progress from the beginning of the year up until now. Her work was a little lacking at the beginning of the year, but she began to get things together a couple weeks into the school year. Having said this, I'd love to see more improvement in her throughout the year.'

He nods, not bothering to look down at the paper in front of him, which annoys her to no end. Taking another paper off the stack, she places it on top of the paper that was already in front of him, saying nothing while waiting for him to look down. He keeps his gaze on her for a few moments before looking down, seeing a typed up paper in front of him. 'When asked to write an essay on Pride and Prejudice, your daughter wrote this, a paper about a man that was pride looking for his prejudice. As much as I enjoyed reading her connection to the story, it was not the assignment,' Clara says, keeping a professional tone about her. 

'I proofread this paper for her. It had everything to do with what was assigned,' John argues, voice calm. 

'The assignment was for her to write about how she interpreted the story.'

'And that's exactly what she did. Some people relate real life events to stories and see those stories as another way to tell the real life event. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that does sound like interpreting to me.' 

Clara stiffens, the sudden realisation dawning on her. Ellis had done exactly what the assignment entailed, just in her own way. Sighing, she runs a hand through her hair, looking over at the stack of papers she still had to share with him. It was going to be a long meeting if they kept going like this. Deciding she doesn't want to spend more time with John Smith than necessary, she puts the next paper in front of him, looking up at him with a defeat expression on her face. 

'This is your daughter's average score on tests, quizzes, homework, and essays,' she puts another paper on top of this one, not giving John anytime to look at it,'And this is her score on exams, which I'm sure you've already seen.' 

She throws another paper down on top of that one, opening her mouth to start blabbering on about what was on this paper, only to not have any words come out of her mouth because his hand is touching hers, which is still on the paper. 

'Can you please slow down, Ms. Oswald? I'm having a hard time reading all of these papers with you throwing other papers on top of them.' 

'You can read them later, Mr. Smith,' she squeaks, quickly pulling her hand away from his. 

John nods, removing his hand from the table and looking down at the papers on the table. Her mind goes blank. She's so tired of doing this. Why didn't he just send his supposed wife to do this? Deciding to veer away from the topic of his daughter's school performance, she questions,'Where's your wife, Mr.Smith?' 

'Scattered across the lawn of the biggest library in the world, why?' 

'Some of my coworkers said you were married, I thought-' 

'You thought that your coworkers knew more about me than you did,' he finishes for her, giving her a small smirk. 

Her cheeks tint pink and she looks down at her lap, chastises herself for even asking that question. It's not like she wanted to date him, she just wanted to make sure that he wasn't being unfaithful to his wife. 'Have you checked your phone yet?' He asks. 

She furrows her brow and casts her gaze over to her purse on the floor,'No.'

Curious as to why he had asked her, she reaches down and pulls her phone out of her purse, turning it on to see a missed call and a voicemail from none other than the man himself. If he wasn't in the room then she wouldn't even bother with it and ignore it completely. She places her phone on the table, giving John a small forced smile. 'I'll listen to that after we're done with this.'

'Fair enough,' he replies. 

Straightening up, she begins to talk about the paper in front of him,'Now, as you know, students in year eight get to go on a trip to the London Zoological Museum closer to the end of the year. We take the students in small groups and have each group camp out in different parts of the museum. This is the permission slip for Ellis to be able to go on this trip. On the paper it includes more details, chaperoning information, and the cost of the trip.' 

She puts the rest of the papers on the pile in front of him, not wanting to explain anything more. 'Any questions?'

'Do you want to go to dinner with me tonight?' He asks. 

'I have parent teacher conferences for the rest of the day,' she informs. 

'What time do you get off?' 

'Around nine.'

'How about we eat dinner after your conferences, then?' 

'Don't you have to look after Ellis?' 

He smiles slightly,'She's at my sister's house.'

'Wonderful,' she remarks sarcastically, looking down at the papers on her desk in defeat,'I suppose I can't really say no at this point.'

'There's always time to run away.'

She breathes out a laugh,'Dinner actually sounds nice. It'll give me something to look forward to.'

He grins,'I'll message you a time and a place.'

'Sounds good.' 

They stand up, walking over to the door, their hands brushing on the way. He turns to look at her when they reach the door, no words passing between the two of them as they gaze at each other. Leaning down, he places a kiss on her forehead, lingering there for a moment before pulling away and smiling at her. She smiles despite herself, feeling a flutter in her chest. 

'It was nice to see you, Clara,' he murmurs. 

'It was nice to see you too, John,' she breathes out, not entirely sure if it was the truth.

He leaves without another word, leaving her to wait for the next parent to arrive. She walks over to her desk and falls down into her chair, staring into space with her lips pursed. She wonders if she can get out of having dinner with John. As much as she enjoyed seeing him just now, she wasn't exactly keen on doing something with him that could be considered a date. Grabbing her phone off her desk, she turns it on, seeing the voicemail from John staring back at her. Hesitantly, she unlocks her phone and taps the voicemail, putting her phone up to her ear. 

' _Hello_ ,' his deep voice rumbles through her speaker,' _I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner tonight? If you have other plans, that's fine, this is just one of my rare free nights and I wanted to spend it with you. Give me a call back as soon as you can. Bye.'_

After a few seconds of silence, the message cuts off and she is left to stare into space once again, her phone still up to her ear. Only now had the realisation sunk in as to why he was so eager to do this later that day. He rarely got any free time because of work and a child, and instead of enjoying time alone, he wanted to bring her out to dinner as an apology for sleeping with her. He was trying to do the gentlemanly thing and give up his time alone for her. Refusing his offer would be a crime at this point, seeing as though she'd already agreed in person. She sighs, placing her phone on her desk and noticing his stack of papers out of the corner of her eye. Well, shit. They'd been too distracted making dinner plans for him to remember his papers. Grumbling at herself for being an idiot, she swipes the papers off the desk and crams them into her purse. She hears a light knock at her door and her head shoots up, her gaze being met by a tall ginger woman and a blonde man. 

'Hello,' Clara chirps, setting all real emotions aside and putting on her teacher façade. 

'Hello!' The ginger greets, grabbing the man's hand and pulling him over to the front of Clara's desk. 

'You're Mr. and Mrs.Williams, yeah?' Clara questions. 

'That's us,' the blonde confirms. 

Clara puts on her best fake smile and nods to the seats in front of her,'Take a seat.'

The couple sits down and give the teacher small smiles, no hint of worry to those smiles. That was a first. 'So, I guess I'll just jump right into things. As you already know, Melody has some problems fitting it and is trying to fix that. As much as I love seeing children get along, I don't believe that a child changing their personality is a way to do that. I would appreciate it if you two could encourage Melody to be herself.'

As the ginger begins to speak, Clara's phone lights up on her desk and she quickly reaches for it, shoving it into her lap and tuning out the woman talking. She tries to focus on the parents in front of her, really does, but the thought of what might be on her phone nags her. Leaning down, she opens the drawer to her desk to make it seem like she was doing something and instead looks at her phone, frowning at the words on her screen. 

_Nina: I miss you so much I'm sorry was such an arse last night, I was just upset. I love you. Please come see me after your conferences._

Sighing, Clara grabs Melody's papers out of the drawer, she places them on her desk and gives the parents the most forced smile in all of human history. She hands the two a paper and let's them observe it as she quickly thumbs a reply to her girlfriend's message. 

_I'm really the one that should be apologising. What I did was unacceptable. If my conferences don't run too late, I'll come see you. I love you too. Xx_

Placing her phone back in her purse, she looks up at the couple, seeing them looking back at her expectantly. With a sigh only she could hear, Clara begins to explain the paper in front of the parents, attempting to sounding interested in it while doing so. Her mind was distracted by other things, namely whether she would follow through with her plans with John or go see Nina instead. 

It was going to be a tough decision to make and she was grateful that she didn't have to make it until conferences were over.


	5. Another Mistake

In the end, she decided to go to dinner with John. It wasn't exactly the option she liked best, but she truly wanted to get this whole thing with John tucked away and never have to deal with it again. As much as she wanted to see Nina, she knew she wouldn't stop thinking about him if she was with Nina. She kept on telling herself that skipping out on Nina to meet with John was for the best, they needed to establish boundaries, but part of her didn't believe that. Part of her thought that she preferred being with him over her girlfriend. Her mind really needed to stop contradicting her. 

In all fairness, it wasn't exactly like things between her and Nina were going well. So, she chose John. Once she got to the restaurant, she was beginning to become confident in her decision. It was a small Italian restaurant on a street corner, sandwiched between a bookshop and a florist. As she enters, a small bell rings above her and her lips curl upwards as she looks around the dimly lit area, seeing an assortment of tables scattered about. Seated at a table in the corner, she sees his silver curls and smiles. Her legs carry her to the table and she greets him when she gets there, getting a small smile in response from him and a mumbled greeting. She sits down in the chair across from him and picks up the menu laying in front of her, flipping through it. 

He clears his throat and she looks up, her eyes meeting his. 'Sorry if you didn't want to come, I just don't want to end things poorly between us,' his gaze is cast down towards the table. 

'I don't think that things between us are going to be ending anytime soon, seeing as you're the parent of one of my students,' she replies, her eyes lingering on him. 

'I suppose that is true.'

Satisfied with how their conversation ended, she tears her gaze away from him and continues to scan the menu. She can't think straight with him in front of her and the words on the menu might as well not be there because she can't focus enough to read anything. 'The ravioli is good, if you're having trouble deciding what you want,' he informs, obviously seeing the conflict on her face. 

'Thanks,' she looks up at him and rests her chin in the palm of her hand. 

He looks back at the table and fiddles with his ring, saying nothing else to her. With a sigh, she lets her hand fall and her head drop, rethinking coming to see him instead of Nina. Sure, being with Nina would have been Hell, but she was beginning to think Hell was better than this. At least enduring Hell meant she got meaningless sex. In the corner of her eye she can see an arm swiftly move to place drinks in front of the both of them, and looking up at owner of the arm, she sees a girl with a knowing smirk on her lips that just barely reveals her teeth. She must have mistaken them as other customers, surely. They hadn't even ordered their drinks yet. 

'Anything else I can get for you, Doctor?' The young waitress asks, looking over towards the older man. 

'No,' he replies gruffly, only momentarily glancing up at the girl. 

The waitress leaves after that, her smirk still standing strong. Deciding to ignore the events that had just played out before her, Clara looks at the glass that had been placed in front of her. Wine. Red to be more specific. 'How'd you know that I like red wine?' 

He clears his throat and looks up at her, clearly being pulled out of deep thought. 'I remembered from the other night. You refused to drink anything that wasn't red wine.'

She lets a light laugh escape her, despite herself,'Good observation. I bet you'll make a brilliant boyfriend in the future.'

'You have a girlfriend,' he reminds. 

Her cheeks tint a rosy hue and she retorts,'I didn't mean it like that, you idiot.'

He gives her a small smile and looks down at his glass, filled with water, she notices. He looks almost disappointed at her last comment. Or perhaps he's just nervous. His expression truly could be both, and she didn't know him well enough to know what his expressions meant. 

'So...' He looks at his glass, a lost look in his eye. 

She picks up her glass and swirls her drink, not quite knowing what to say. She knows he's having the same problem. That's really the problem of having dinner with someone that you had a one night stand with, the both of them are too awkward because of it to say anything. She really needed to stop this habit of having one night stands, then maybe she wouldn't have to deal with the guilt and awkwardness that came with it. Her mind wanders to Nina, the woman who'd put up with her throughout all of her mistakes, all of her one night stands. How Nina still managed to forgive her, she had no clue. She really should be with her, she thinks, she owed Nina at least that. 

'You're think about your girlfriend,' he points out. 

She looks up at him, surprised,'How did you know?'

'I used to get the same look when I thought about my wife,' he shows hardly any emotion. 

'What happened to her?' She questions, sincere. 

'She died,' he looks down at his glass,'She was an archeologist who dabbled in science, and one day while she was at home testing out a new invention, it went wrong and ended up getting her killed.'

'Oh God,' she breathes out, reaching across the table and gently taking his hand away from his glass, holding it in hers,'I'm so sorry.'

He gives her a small smile,'You don't have to pity me. I've come to terms with her death.'

Her eyes search his features, a moment of silence passing between them before she inquires,'What was she like?'

He laughs sadly,'River was courageous. She laughed at danger and went towards it without a fear. Which I guess is what lead her towards science, the anticipation of something going wrong and her having to face danger. Her life was an adventure because she made it one, and she lived life to the fullest. She was radiant. I loved her and I lost her.'

'I had a boyfriend,' she starts talking not even a beat after he's done,'he died. In a car accident. I was so certain I was going to spend the rest of my life with him, so certain things would work out and I would finally be happy. Then one day we were talking on the phone-' 

Clara bows her head, hand tightening around his, her other hand coming up to cover her mouth. She tries to muffle her sob. 'I tried to move on. I got together with my best friend and I thought I would be okay. Everything was going well until I met a man with the same name as him, and I broke down. I slept with him and pretended it was my dead boyfriend. He didn't even look like him, I don't know what got into me.' 

'Clara, I-' the waitress comes back, pen and a pad of paper in hand. She looks down at Clara sympathetically and shoots the man across the table a pointed look. 

He meets the waitress' eyes, eyebrows furrowed. He looks lost. The waitress's eyes dart down to their linked hands and back to him, an eyebrow raising. The Doctor scoffs, diverting his gaze to the brunette seated in front of him. 

'Can I take your order?' The waitress asks, a fake grin plastered on her lips, the smallest hint of a smirk tainting that grin. 

Clara's head shoots up at she stares wide eyed at the woman standing next to the table. She opens her mouth, but words fail her. She feels like she's collapsing on the inside. The Doctor looks back at the waitress. 

'She'll have the ravioli and I'll have my usual.' 

A real smile now as the waitress nods and walks away, shooting one last glance over her shoulder before disappearing into the kitchen. Clara looks over at him with red eyes, sniffing. 

'I'm sorry,' she apologises. 

'It's okay. I know what it's like,' he reassures. 

She smiles sadly at him, slipping her hand out of his and placing it in her lap. Neither of them say anything, not willing to engage in awkward small talk. Their food comes a little while later and they eat in silence, the only noises coming from them being the small moan she elicits when she tries her meal and the laugh that escapes him when he hears her. 

She finishes up her fourth glass of wine, her meal long since finished and him just finishing his up. 'This was good,' she giggles. 

His lips curve into a small smile at her giggle,'Thanks for coming.'

She laughs,'I bet you say that to all the girls.'

He furrows his brow at her before his eyes widen and he says incredulously,'You, young lady, are not thinking straight.'

'Well I'm certainly not thinking gay right now,' she tries not to laugh at her own joke. 

'I should get you home, it's late and you have work tomorrow,' he says, ignoring her previous statement. 

'You should take me home with you,' she suggests. 

The waitress comes over and the Doctor hands her far more than what their meal was worth, telling her to keep the rest for herself. She leaves with a quick thanks, a grin on her face. He stands up, stepping over to her and holding his hand out,'Let's go, then.'

'Are we going to your house?' She asks hopefully, eyes wide. 

'Yes,' he lies. 

She laughs lightly and places her hand in his, having him help pull her out of the seat. Her laughter turns to giggles as they leave the restaurant and he hails a cab. They get into the cab and she hugs his arm, silent laughter shaking her body. 

He looks down at her and smiles,'What's so funny?' 

'I'm just happy,' she says, grinning. 

'Why?' 

Instead of answering, she pulls on his arm and moves her head up, her lips meeting his. Her lips move sloppily against his and his eyes widen, his whole body frozen. Her hand slides down his arm and to his thigh, massaging it gently. 

He really should stop her, but she's drunk and it's hard to argue with her when she's drunk. He pulls away from the kiss and she frowns. He tells the cabbie to change the course and head for his flat. He would be sleeping on his couch then. 

She giggles,'I want you to shag me until I can't walk.'

He blushes a crimson red and looks down at the hand that's on his thigh, noticing the start of a bulge in his trousers. He needed to get away from her as fast as he could. 'I want to suck your cock,' she whispers, breath hot on his ear. 

He shivers, the mental image causing him to grow harder. He chastises himself for letting her get to him. They arrive at his flat a few moments later and he quickly exits the cab, her stumbling out behind him. She grabs his hand and he guides her to his flat, hastily unlocking the door and getting them inside. He sighs. 

'Let's get you to the bedroom,' he insists. 

'Sounds good,' she smirks drunkly. 

'Alright, c'mon,' he leads her to his room and sits her down on his bed, turning on the lamp sat on his nightstand. 

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. She leans down and unzips her shoes, kicking them off then scrambling back on the bed, propping herself up on her elbows and spreading her legs. She attempts to give him a seductive look, eyes hooded and lips parted. His already hard member throbs. Clara lifts her leg and let's her foot touch his erection, earning a gasp from him. 

'Clara, stop,' he orders. 

'Make me,' she teases, standing up on unsteady legs and taking a step towards him, grabbing the lapels of his coat and falling back onto the bed, pulling him down with her. She laughs as he lets out a light 'umpf', his hands planted on either side of her head to support his weight. She crashes her lips into his, kissing him hungrily and him making a startled noise against her lips. 

Bucking her hips into his, she moans, his member hitting just the right spot. He pulls his lips away from hers,'You need to stop.' 

'You want this,' she whimpers, rolling her hips against his hard on to prove her point. 

'I don't want this while you're drunk,' he groans,'I'm not taking advantage of you.'

'Mmmm,' she whimpers, needy. Pushing him off her, she situates herself so she's laying properly on the bed, her head turned to the side on his pillow. 

Her hand slides down her stomach, finding its way under her skirt and to her clothed sex. She rubs her clit, letting out a soft moan as she starts to relieve her built up tension. He watches her touch herself, at a loss for words. 

'Doctor,' she mews, hand beginning to work faster. 

At the mention of his nickname, his resolve breaks and his hormones take over. He scrambles over to her and places a hand on her hip, wordlessly placing his other hand over her sex and palming her through her tights. He knows this isn't right, really does, but his arousal is telling him otherwise. Humming, she takes her hand away from her clit, hooking her fingers in the waistband of her tights. She wiggles her hips and he lets out a light laugh, helping get her out of her tights. 

'Who invented these damn things?' He complains. 

She giggles above him, kicking her legs to help him out. Finally getting them off, he throws them on the floor and pushes his coat off, letting it fall to the bed. He looks up to see her fumbling with the buttons on her blouse and doesn't move, simply just watches her as she struggles to take off her shirt. 

'Clara,' he says, trying to gain her attention. 

Her fingers pause on her buttons and she looks up at him, eyes wide, shining in the dim light of his bedside lamp. Flushed cheeks and parted lips give away her arousal, and he almost wishes he was a worse man so he could relieve her. 

'I can't do this.'

She groans, eyes closing as she throws her head back. She sits up, placing her hands on his thighs and looking into his eyes,'Please, I need this.'

Her hands slip up under his shirt and she pulls it off of him, letting her hands rest on his bare chest. 'Please,' she whispers,'I've wanted this ever since you came into my classroom.' 

Her hands leave his chest and she unbuttons the last button of her blouse, pulling it out of her skirt and taking it off, letting it join her tights on the floor. She takes his hand and guides it to the back of her skirt, gently pressing his hand to her zipper. 'Just say yes,' she pleads. 

He leans down and gently pecks her lips, fingers grabbing her zipper and pulling it down. She grins and pushes him down onto the bed, straddling his hips and kissing him fiercely. She grinds her hips against his and slides her tongue into his mouth, him hesitantly returning the kiss. She reaches behind her and unhooks her bra, tossing it somewhere behind her. Taking his hand, she places it on her breast and closes her fingers around his, causing him to squeeze her breast. He gasps into her mouth. 

'I need to go to the bathroom,' the words rush out of his mouth. 

She sighs and her head drops, hair grazing his chest. Rolling off of him, she runs a hand through her hair and closes her eyes. He scatters out of bed and rushes to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. He plants his hands on the edge of the sink and looks at himself in the mirror. A worn out old man stares back at him. He runs a hand over his face and looks down at the sink, noticing the few curly grey hairs and pieces of trimmed facial hair from when he tried to grow a beard scattered about. He was a mess without a woman in his life. Maybe Clara could do him some good. Once she was sober, he reminded himself. 

He sits down against the wall behind him, legs to his chest. His head falls back against the wall and he closes his eyes, resting his arms on top of his knees. Ten minutes pass when he finally stands up, looking at himself in the mirror one last time before leaving the bathroom. On they bed lays a nude Clara Oswald, limbs sprawled out and her cheek on her shoulder, lips parted-she had fallen asleep. His plan worked, then. He walks over to the bed, careful not to let his eyes wander further down than her face, and pulls the duvet out from under her, covering her up with it. She hums happily and snuggles into the bed, causing him to smile. He turns to leave the room, a whimper stopping him. Looking over at the bed, he sees her arm reaching out, fingers weakly bending and flexing. 

'Stay here with me, please,' she murmurs. 

Too tired to argue, he bends down and takes off his shoes, getting in bed next to her and situating himself under the duvet. It's only when her breasts press up against his side does he remember he was shirtless. She wraps her arms around him and nuzzles into him, drifting back to sleep just a few seconds later. He takes a deep breath in and let's it out slowly. He tries to pretend it's River next to him-tries to just spend one last night with her in his mind-but for some reason, he can't get the thought of Clara lying naked next to him out of his mind. It's almost as if he doesn't want the thought to leave.


	6. Another Morning Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one really reads this, so I don't have much encouragement to write right now. I'm still writing though like the fanboy loser I am. I know I'm not good at writing, but I'm just trying to contribute and get some pesky ideas out of my head. 
> 
> Y'all get to finally meet Ellis this chapter. Enjoy.

John wakes up to the sound of his front door opening and let's his eyes drift open, taking in his surroundings. Light filters through the curtains, lighting the room with a yellow tint. He looks to his bedside table, seeing that his bedside lamp was still on. Furrowing his eyebrows, he leans over and flicks it off. He lets his torso fall back onto the bed and feels the bed shift next to him, a warm body making contact with his. He looks down to see Clara cuddling into him, a small smile on her lips. It's strange, having a woman next to him that he hardly knows, yet being so comfortable having her next to him. He smiles subconsciously and lifts his arm, putting it around her and closing his eyes. 

'John!' 

His eyes fly open. Oh God no, not now, he thinks. He shakes the woman next to him, causing her to groan and burry her head into his chest. 'Clara,' he says, hushed,' My sister's here.' 

'Tell her to go away,' she groans. 

'I can't she has my-'

'John, are you still asleep?' A shrill Scottish voice comes from outside his door. 

Clara opens her eyes, squinting slightly as she looks up at him. He looked absolutely terrified. 

'Ah, there you are!' Comes a voice from the doorway. Clara looks in the direction of the voice and sees a figure that looks a bit like an evil Mary Poppins, who she assumes is his sister, standing in the doorway. 'And you have company,' his sister teases. 

'Is dad in there?' Comes a voice from further in the house, a voice that Clara recognises. Ellis. 

'Yeah,' John calls, and as Clara looks up at him, she can see defeat in his features. 

'So who's your little friend, Doctor?' Evil Mary Poppins asks. 

Clara swears she can recognise that voice. 'None of your business, Missy,' John growls.

Something clicks inside Clara and her whole body freezes. 'Mishaela,' she whispers.

John looks down at her with furrowed brows,'Have you met my sister before?' 

She curls up against him and places her hand over her face. She had fucked his sister. Out of all of the people she had had one night stands with, one of them just happened to be his sister. 

'Dad, I have to get to school,' Ellis appears in his doorway, backpack slung over her shoulder. 

'Oh God, I forgot about school,' Clara groans into John's chest. 

Ellis's expression quickly contorts into one of disgust,'You shagged someone? Seriously dad, that's disgusting.' 

'I agree with Ellis. How did you not break one of your old, fragile bones?' Missy chimes in. 

'Can the two of you go wait in the kitchen or something?' John sighs, looking down at the woman on his chest. 

Missy squints at the couple,'Are the two of you going to have a quickie?' 

'Ew, oh God,' Ellis groans. 

'Go,' John says sternly. 

The pair of them leave, closing the door to give them some privacy. John wiggles out of Clara's embrace and pulls his trousers off, stepping over to his dresser and pulling out a clean pair along with a t-shirt and jumper. He steps into his trousers and pulls his shirt over his head, fitting his arms through their designated holes. He walks to the bed and shakes the brunette gently. 

'You have to get up, you have a teaching job,' he says gently. 

'I think I may take today off due to the fact that I feel like I'm about to puke up my insides,' she murmurs. 

'Is the hangover really that bad?'

She groans and grabs the jumper he has in his hands. He looks at her, confused, and watches as she sits up, the duvet falling from her and revealing her bare breasts. Eyes widening, he looks away, his cheeks tinting pink. 'You don't have to look away,' she says nonchalantly. 

She moves over to the side of the bed and stands up, picking her knickers up off the floor and putting them on, looking around for her bra. His voice comes from across the room,'I think what you're looking for is over here.'

She looks down at his feet and sees her bra laying in front of them. Sighing, she walks over to him and bends down, picking up the last of her undergarments and putting it on, standing up straight and looking up at his face as she clasps her bra. He quickly averts his gaze. 

'I'm going to go make some coffee. You want anything?' He asks nervously.

Even though he can't see her, she smiles,'Coffee would be nice.'

'I'll go get that then,' he goes to leave, only to have her hand on his shoulder stop him. 

'Thank you, Doctor,' she gets up on her toes and kisses the corner of his lips. 

He looks at her after her lips leave his face, his features sorrowful, but the look in his eyes one of adoration. He hardly even knew this girl, why did he already feel so strongly about her? Ignoring his sudden feelings, he looks over at the door. Her hand slides from his arm and he moves to the door, leaving before he does something he'd regret. 

'How's your little girlfriend, John?' Missy asks as soon as John closes the door. He glares over at his sister, noticing his daughter beside her looking rather uncomfortable. 

'She's not my girlfriend,' John sighs, exhausted. 

'Well you're certainly setting a great example for your daughter,' Missy teases. 

'Can you please just shut up?' He asks angrily, voice louder than expected.

'Fine, Mr Grumpy,' Missy mutters. 

John stomps off to the kitchen and sets himself to making coffee, trying to figure out how he was going to explain to Ellis that he hadn't actually slept with her teacher the night previous. Although, he had slept with her before that. Maybe it was best that his daughter didn't know about that time. While lost in thought, he doesn't notice his daughter walk in and only realises she's there when she hits his bicep. He's quickly snapped out of his thoughts and looks down at that small fourteen year old in front of him. He would've thought with his genes she'd be much taller.

'I, uhm, I'm sorry, dad. It's been six years since mom died and this is the first woman I've seen you with since then, so I really should be more supportive,' Ellis says, looking down at her shoes. 

'It's okay, El, you're my kid, you're supposed to be disgusted when you see me trying to be in a relationship,' a sad smile finds its way to his lips. 

She laughs lightly,'I guess.'

The noise of the coffee maker stops and John looks back at it, already dreading leaving his daughter. 'I have to go bring the woman in my room some coffee,' he grabs two coffee mugs out of the cupboard and hastily pours coffee into them, dropping six sugar cubes into his mug before turning around and kissing Ellis on the forehead. 'I'll be right back,' he tells her. 

He hastily makes his way to his room, sure to ignore Missy when she made another snide remark. Kicking his door lightly, he says loud enough for his voice to travel through the door,'I come with a peace offering.'

He hears her laugh from the other side. The door opens to reveal possibly the most beautiful sight he has ever seen. Clara in his dark blue jumper, which went down to mid thigh, with her tights on, squeezing her legs in a way that made his stomach turn. She had a smile on her lips and it looked like she was tying to hold back a laugh. She steps out of the doorway and he steps in, kicking the door closed behind him. 

He holds her mug out to her,'Hope you're okay with black coffee.'

'Best kind for a hangover,' she replies, taking it from him and blowing on the steaming liquid. She sits down on his bed and sips at her coffee, looking up at him. 

'You want to sit down?' She asks. 

Without replying, he sits down next to her, resting his coffee in his lap and looking over at her. She reaches over and takes his hand in hers, taking another sip of her coffee. 'Thank you,' she says sincerely. 

'For what?' He stares down into his coffee, confused. 

'Not taking advantage of me last night. It means a lot,' she says shyly. 

He looks over at her and frowns. She shifts her hand in his,'I know this is asking a lot, and I know you have a family, but, I get off of work at five and I'd really like to see you again tonight.' 

John nods silently and they exchange no more words after that, the both of them just sipping at their coffee. There's a knock at the door and John clears his throat,'Yeah?' 

'Dad, school is going to start soon,' Ellis calls through the door. 

'Be out in a second,' he calls back, then faces Clara and asks,'Do you need a ride to work?'

'I think it's probably best that Ellis doesn't know you slept with her teacher. I'll hail a cab after you leave,' she says gently. 

'Okay,' he nods. 

She runs a hand through her hair and looks down at the ground, a small smile on her lips,'You two should probably get going.'

'I'll see you tonight, yeah?' 

'Yeah,' she places a light kiss on his lips and lets go of his hand. 

He feels his heart flutter and stands up,'Goodbye, Clara.' 

'Goodbye, Doctor,' she looks up at him. 

He leaves the room, closing the door behind him before Ellis can see the woman on his bed. She stands in front of him, backpack on her shoulder and shoes already on. He walks past her, sliding on his shoes. 'Let's go,' John sighs. 

-

'Who is she?' Ellis asks on the way to school. 

'Just a girl,' John says, not wanting to have this conversation with his daughter. 

'Oh, I didn't know you were into that kind of stuff, dad,' she teases. 

He sighs,'Stop it, El.'

'Really, who is she?' 

John grips the steering wheel tightly, staring ahead,'It doesn't matter because nothing is going to happen between us.' 

Ellis narrows her eyes at him,'Then why was she in your bed this morning?' 

Because he was beginning to fall for Clara and he couldn't say no to her. 'Nothing happened between us,' he says, knowing it wasn't true. 

'Ah, yes, just a perfectly normal naked woman cuddling you,' Ellis retorts. 

'Ellis, we're not talking about this,' his voice is stern, eyebrows furrowed. 

'I'm your child, I have the right to know!' Ellis argues back. 

'You don't need to know about my sex life,' he says, trying not to shout. 

'I do if it means I'm going to get a step mom!' 

He doesn't say a word. The road has caught his interest as he glares ahead. Ellis looks down at her feet, realising that she had crossed a line. The tension stays for the rest of the car ride and as soon as they get to the school, John unlocks the car doors, silent. 

Ellis sits for a moment before looking at her father sadly,'I'm sorry, dad.'

John sighs and runs a hand down his face,'It's okay, El. I understand that you want to know it's just...'

'I get it. I have to get to class. I'll see you later,' Ellis says, stepping out of the car. 

'Bye, El.'

In the corner of his eye, he sees a cab pull up to the school and a five foot two goddess step out. He watches her as she walks up to the school, eyes trained on her phone and thumbs typing frantically. She's still wearing his jumper. He wants to jump out of his car and snog her until neither of them can breathe. His head falls roughly to his steering wheel as he reminds himself that she has a girlfriend. _But she spent last night with you_ , his mind tells him, _she moaned your name when she touched herself_. He picks his head up and then drops it back onto the steering wheel. Stupid. When he finally looks up, she's gone. He sighs and runs a hand down his face, knowing he had to make a decision sooner or later. Let Clara be happy with her girlfriend, or try to get Ellis a potential new mother figure and him, a woman to love.


	7. Someone That Makes You Happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for the support!

Clara enters the classroom, relieved to see her students in groups chatting with each other, not acknowledging her presence. Usually a teacher showing up late was something the kids would talk about, and if word got to other teachers that she came to class late looking like a mess, they would know something was up. She clears her throat and places her bag on her desk, turning to the class and clapping her hands together. 

'Alright, class, find your seats!'

They scurry to their seats, forty four expectant eyes looking up at her. She spins on her heel and picks up a whiteboard marker, beginning to write on the board. 'I'd like to start today off with a simple writing activity. You are to write a response to prompt on the board,' she finished writing and smiles to herself, placing the marker down and waltzing her way to her chair, plopping down in it. Her students start scribbling down responses on their papers as Clara sits back and pulls out her phone. 

_It's ok. I get it u needed some time alone. Pls come back tonight I want to c u._

She lets a rough breath leave her parted lips. She had texted Nina on the way into the school apologising for not being with her last night, telling her she needed some time alone. The thought of explaining everything that had happened to Nina made her queasy. Placing her phone down on her desk, she looks out at the class and notices a few students staring aimlessly off into space and others twirling their pencils, staring at the paper in front of them. There was however one student that stood out from the others. The one staring at her. 

-

Why did that jumper look so familiar? She must have seen it somewhere before. Ellis drops her head to break eye contact with the teacher, her brows lowering in concentration. Where has she seen that damn jumper? 

Miss Oswald tousles her hair, almost as if an attempt to make it messy would make it look any less messy. She was a mess today, smeared makeup and hair every which way. It looked like she had just gotten out of bed. The pieces in Ellis's head start to click together. Messy appearance, not teaching the class before the bell like she usually did, a jumper that she swears she had seen before. 

'Alright class,' Ms. Oswald's shrill voice rings out,' Stop writing. Does anyone want to share their response?' 

No one's hand goes up. She sighs,'Ellis, how about you?'

Ellis snorts,'No thanks.' 

The short brunette walks over to her desk, looking down at the blank paper on Ellis's desk. The smell of something musky hits Ellis's nose. Her dad's cologne. Oh. _Oh._

Her eyes widen and she tightens her grip on her pencil, feeling bile rise up her throat. That jumper was her dads. Her teacher was wearing her father's jumper and she looked like she had rushed to work. Everything clicks together in her head and she stares down at her desk, trying not to puke at the thought of her teacher and her dad sleeping together. 

She needed to get as far away from Miss Oswald as she could. 'I need to go to the clinic,' she barely gets the words out, face having taken on a sickly pale colour. 

'Do you need me to take you? You don't look good,' Miss Oswald asks. 

'No,' Ellis blurts out, making the mistake of looking over at her teacher. Ellis's face flushes. 

She jumps out of her desk and runs out of the classroom, not looking back. When she gets to the clinic, she sits down and pulls out her phone, quickly typing. 

_u slept with my teacher?!??_

She roughly places her phone next to her on the clinic bed, the nurse hearing the noise and looking over at her. 'Hello,' she greets. 

'Hey,' Ellis croaks. 

The nurse rolls her chair over to Ellis, giving her a small smile,'What seems to be wrong?' 

Ellis knows she should lie, let her teacher keep her job, but she has to tell someone, even if it's not the full truth. 'My dad, he did something with someone that I see almost everyday, and now that I know about it I feel like I'm going to vomit.'

The nurse reaches over and grabs a bin, placing it in front of Ellis, 'You're not the first to come in here for that. Just rest for a little while and try not to think.'

Ellis nods and lays down, closing her eyes and letting out a frustrated sigh. Her phone vibrates. She reaches down and picks it up, laying down once again. 

_I didn't. I tried to tell you in the car that nothing happened between the two of us. How did you even find out?_

Her thumbs move quickly as she replies. 

_someone decided to wear ur jumper to work. if nothing happened why wasn't she wearing clothes this morning?!_

She closes her eyes again and places her phone on her chest. Out of all of her teachers, it had to be the youngest one. The one Ellis had something against. Miss Oswald always made her participate, outed her to the class when she didn't do work she was supposed to. What could her dad have seen in her teacher? Probably what all the boys in school saw in her. But, her dad wasn't some teenage boy with a hopeless crush. Her dad was a man that was twenty eight years Miss Oswald's senior. He could be her father. Ellis's phone buzzes on her chest. 

_We'll talk about this at home later. I love you, El. Have a good day at school._

Ellis groans, dropping her phone back onto her chest, sending a jolt of pain through her torso. The nurse looks back at the sound of her phone hitting her chest,'You okay?'

'Yeah,' Ellis sighs. 

Her eyes close once again. 

-

The sight of Ellis's paling face had sent a wave of shock through Clara. Had she done something wrong? Ellis never got that way. Maybe she knew. What if she knew? Would John stop talking to her? She didn't want that, whatever was going on with John, she liked it. She liked him. 

Pushing away the thought of John and Ellis for the time being, she steps in front of the class again and begins teaching the lesson for the day. Grammar. Always grammar it seemed like. She wishes there were more lessons where she got to teach about novels. Her mind wanders as she goes on autopilot, talking about infinitives and gerunds. The question nags her. What if Ellis knew? 

-

Ellis stares out the window, buildings blurring by as they drive past them. John sits next to her, his grip on the steering wheel tight. The ride home is silent. 

'El, listen,' John says as they come to a stop in the driveway,'I was going to tell you.'

'Don't lie to me,' she scoffs. 

'You were right this morning, you do have the right to know what's going on in my relationship life because it affects you too,' He continues, ignoring her comment,'You have a say in all this.'

'I doubt I do,' She says. 

'You do, El,' he tells her. 

She laughs bitterly,'If I have a say, then don't date my teacher. It's disgusting.'

His expression drops and he stares ahead of him, suddenly speechless. He looks like someone had just told him they killed his puppy. 

'Dad?' She asks, concerned. 

'Okay,' he says weakly,'I won't see her again.' 

'Wait, really?' She asks, taken aback. 

'That's what you wanted, right?' He questions. 

'For the time being, yeah.' 

'Okay,' he gets out of the car without saying another word. 

Ellis follows him into the house and through the kitchen, sitting down and taking out her phone. She looks up at the sound of plates being put down on the counter and watches as her father sluggishly moves around the kitchen, pulling out a pot and various food items. She thinks back to the morning, remembering the conversation they had had in the kitchen. He's been alone for six years. And right as he finds a woman he wants to be with, Ellis tells him he can't. It's a bit unfair, she thinks. Who was she to tell him that he couldn't be with a woman he had feelings for? Well, his daughter. The one woman in his life he cared about above everything else. And really, if it was up to her, he would date someone his own age. But, it's wasn't up to her. It was up to him. He was the one who was attracted to her teacher, so it should be his decision whether he dates her or not. It just didn't seem right. A thirty year old teacher she had known for three years dating her fifty eight year old dad. Her dad not being single didn't seem right. 

'Dad, how much do you like Miss Oswald?' She asks suddenly. 

He drops the knife he had been holding and tenses. Placing his hands roughly on the counter, he replies,'Why does it matter?' 

'Because I don't want to stop you from being with someone that makes you happy just because I think it's weird,' she places her phone on the table. 

'You come first in my life, Ellis,' he sighs,' Whatever you want is what I want.'

'I want you to be happy.'

'I am happy,' he informs, picking up the knife and beginning to cut again. 

'You're not.' 

'I am. As long as I have you, I'm happy.'

She stands up and begins walking to him,'Then why haven't I seen you genuinely smile since mom died?'

'I've smiled plenty,' he scoffs. 

'No you haven't, dad, every time you smile it's sad. You haven't been happy for six years.' 

'You can't tell me how I feel,' he says sternly. 

'Yes I can because I know how you feel. When was the last time you were happy, dad?' 

'I was happy just a few seconds ago.'

'No you weren't! You were downright depressed. I told you you couldn't be with someone who made you happy and that made you depressed.' 

'Ellis, I am fine.' 

She groans and puts her hand on her father's shoulder, turning him around,'Dad, the last time I saw you happy was when mom was still around. It's been six years and you're still not over her. Get up, off your arse, and find someone that makes you happy.' 

He sighs and his shoulders sag in defeat,'Can you make sure the pasta doesn't boil over?'

Ellis nods and takes her hand off his shoulder. 

'Ill be right back,' he pulls his phone out of his pocket and walks out of the room. 

Ellis sighs as she goes back to the table to sit, still not comfortable with the idea of her teacher and her dad being together. 

-

Clara sits on her couch, her head in her hands. Nina had left a few moments ago, telling her she needed to think. Clara knew she'd come back soon, she never stayed away for long. On the table, her phone rings and she leans forward, giving her phone a look of confusion as she sees who is calling. John. They had said they'd meet tonight, didn't they?

She answers the call and holds her phone up to her ear,'Hey.'

_'Hello, Clara,'_ the voice on the other end greets. 

'I know we said we would see each other after I got off work, but I don't think I can,' she runs a hand through her hair. 

_'Actually, I think I should spend some time with Ellis tonight.'_

'Oh, okay. Is that why you called me?' 

_'No.'_

She waits for him to continue, but is only met by the sound of him breathing. The sound of Ellis's voice is heard and Clara breathes out a laugh. 

' _Sorry, Ellis doesn't know how to handle pasta apparently_ ,' he laughs, _'But what I was going to say is...'_

He pauses and takes a deep breath out,' _I like you. I know you have a girlfriend, and I don't want to interfere with that because you seem happy. I just wanted to tell you because of something Ellis told me.'_

'What did Ellis tell you?' She asks, a hint of concern in her voice. 

_'She told me to find someone that makes me happy.'_

Clara holds her breath,'I make you happy?'

_'I can't believe I'm saying this, but yes, you do.'_

She lets out the air in her lungs. 'I want to see you,' she blurts out.

' _Now? I thought you were busy_ ,' He asks, surprised. 

'Once Ellis goes to bed.' 

_'She doesn't sleep.'_

Clara groans,'Can you try and find a way to get to Hyde Park tonight at ten?' 

_'I was going to spend the night with my daughter.'_

'Doctor, please,' she begs,'I want to see you.'

His end stays silent for what seems like an eternity. She bites her lip, knowing that she was pushing him, but hoping that he'd say yes despite that. Whatever she felt towards him, she wanted a chance to expand on it, get to know him better and see if there was the possibility of anything happening between the two of them. A possibility of something more than whatever it was they had. 

He lets out a breath, finally breaking the silence, _'Okay.'_

She smiles,'Text me when you leave.'

_'Can do, boss.'_

'I'll meet you at the bridge,' she chirps. 

_'Okay,_ ' she can hear a smile in his voice,' _Ellis is yelling at me, another noodle crisis has occurred that needs my attention.'_

She laughs,'Sounds important. I'll leave you be.'

_'Thanks,'_ he lets out a light laugh, _'Goodbye, Clara.'_

'Bye, John.' The static going into her ear ceases and she sits in the silence of her flat, alone, waiting for her girlfriend to come back.


	8. Awake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter may not be out for a while. In any case, I hope you guys enjoy this one! Thanks for the support.

John places a forkful of pasta in his mouth and looks down at his daughter's plate, noticing that she had hardly touched it. He swallows what was in his mouth and puts down his fork. 'You okay, El?' 

'I'm fine. Just don't have much of an appetite right now,' she pushes a piece of pasta across her plate. 

'Is it because of me and your teacher?' He picks up his cup and raises it to his lips. 

'Yeah. I'm sorry,' she apologises. 

He lowers his glass,'It's okay.'

Ellis stabs a piece of chicken and holds it up to her face, looking at it for a moment before taking a small bite off of it.

'I'm going somewhere after dinner,' he says as she rests her fork on her plate. She runs a hand through her curls and stands up, a look of discomfort on her face as she picks up her plate. 

'I'm going to eat in my room.'

'Ellis-'

She walks out of the kitchen, leaving him by himself. Groaning, he places his hand over his face. Why was having a teenage daughter so hard? He understood that she wasn't necessarily for the idea of her teacher and him being together, but the that didn't mean she could get distant all of the sudden. Plate in hand, he stands up and moves to the bin, dumping the rest of his meal in and placing his plate on the corner of the sink. He makes his way to his daughter's room, gently knocking on the door. 

'Busy,' She shouts. 

'We need to talk,' he slides a hand into his pocket. 

'We already did,' she calls back. 

'Please open your door, El,' he orders, almost begs. 

Stomping sounds from the other side of the door and it flies open, Ellis glaring at him. He gives her a small smile, pulling his hand out of his pocket. 'Leave me alone,' she growls. 

He sighs,'Okay. Text me when you're ready to talk.'

'Whatever,' she slams her door in his face and his eyebrows drop. 

'I love you,' he says, defeated. 

John pulls his phone out of his pocket and sends Ellis a quick text, telling her he was going for a walk. He shoves his phone in his pocket and trudges to the front door, leaving the house and heading to his car. The gentle breeze of the evening calms him as he leans on the hood of his car, crossing his arms and letting his head fall back, closing his eyes. His phone vibrates in his pocket. His hand delves into his pocket and he pulls out his phone, seeing Clara's name glowing on the screen. He stares at the screen. It had been an hour since they last talked, why was she trying to call him again? He answers the call, holding the phone up to his ear.

'Hello?' He greets, confused. 

A muffled moan sounds from his phone and the sound of shifting follows promptly. 'You like that?' A female voice says, far away. 

'Mmhm,' Clara hums, voice clearer. 

'You're a whore,' the voice says, deep,'At least I love you.'

'I love you too,' comes Clara's voice, high pitched, followed a few seconds later by a loud,'Fuck!' 

A loud thump goes through his speaker and he pulls his phone away from his ear, staring down at it, unsure of what to do. A loud moan comes from his phone. He quickly ends the call, staring blankly at his phone.

So he was just a toy to her. She loved her girlfriend and used him. He needs to see her, talk to her face to face. He pushes himself off of the car hood and swoops around his car, throwing open the door and jumping inside. He drives too fast, his blood like fire as he thinks through all that had just happened. He woke up with Clara in his bed, hungover, error one. He saw her breasts this morning, error two. He let her kiss him, error three. She wore his jumper to school. Mistake two. His first mistake was meeting her. He agreed to meet her at Hyde Park, error four. 

Four errors and a second mistake in one day. His foot pressed down harder on the pedal with anger. How could he mess up so badly? He had a daughter, he couldn't go around making irresponsible decisions like he was. He eases off the pedal when he thinks of Ellis. He has to set a good example. He can't speed. He can't sleep with a woman that's in love with someone else. 

His daughter is all he needs in life. Twenty minutes of driving with a troubled mind later and he was at the park, pulling into a parking spot. He empties his lungs of air and stares at the park outside his window. A month ago his life hadn't been like this. He'd been a responsible father who had given up on relationships, but now he was the exact opposite. 

He needed to pull himself together. Taking out his phone, he pulls up Clara's messages and stares at his screen. His thumbs hover over the keyboard. 

_Don't forget to text me when you leave ;)_

Her most recent text. He presses his lips together and types quickly before he can decide against what he's going to say. 

_I'm at the park. Come find me._

The car door is slammed behind him as he leaves his car, feet carrying him to the lake. He looks at the bridge, contemplating if he should go to where she wanted to meet him. In the end he decided he'd been through enough and went to the bridge, in the middle and by the edge, so as not to get in people's way. He rests his arms on the rough stone, looking out at the lake and listening to the sounds of others around him. Across the way a woman was screaming in joy. On the other side of the bridge a boy was laughing, a mother making monster sounds chasing him. Behind him a couple was proclaiming their love for each other.

He missed chasing Ellis and pretending to be a big bad Cyberman. He missed making Ellis scream in delight as he carried her into the lake, the both of them clad in swim suits, as Ellis's small feet kicked at him and her tiny hands tried to bat him away. He missed telling Ellis he loved her and getting in a fight over who loved who more. He'd spent so much time wrapped up in his wife's death that he'd forgot to enjoy the moments he got with Ellis after it happened. He'd phase out and let his daughter do things alone, giving her the excuse that he was tired. 

It's only now he realises that for the first time in six years, he's awake. Finally awake and aware of what's going on in his life. Finally taking a look at his surroundings and getting involved in something, and he has the conscious to see that what he's doing isn't right. His daughter had needed him to be her father for six years, but he was a lousy father at best. 

He quickly slides his phone out of his pocket and calls his daughter, hoping that by some miracle she'd pick up. 'Pleasepleaseplease,' he mutters. 

The phone clicks. 'If you're calling to see if I'm okay, the answer is no.'

'How do you feel about staying up all night?' John asks, mind already set on spending the night with his daughter. 

'I have school tomorrow,' Ellis informs. 

'What if you didn't?'

'How long have you been walking, dad?' Her voice is concerned, yet teasing. 

'I drove somewhere. Please answer me,' he goes back to the matter at hand. 

'I'd love to stay up and not have to go to school.'

'There's one condition you have to agree to in order to do that,' he says wearily. 

'And that would be?' She asks, stretching out the last word, waiting for him to finish her sentence. 

'Spending some time with me.' 

'You run a tough bargain, dad. I guess I'm going to have to agree,' she sighs in mock disappointment. 

His lips twitch upwards,'Thank you, El. I'll see you later.'

'Bye.'

The call ends. As difficult as his daughter was, he still loved her to the ends of the Universe. He hears an owl hoot and smiles, letting his head hang and his eyes close. It was officially night now. He stands there, listening to the crickets and the owls, along with all the diurnal birds that were wrapping up their day with a little chirp session. A warm feeling flutters through him, a feeling of homeliness. Then a presence besides him disturbs his peace. 

He opens one eye and looks at the school teacher next to him, his mood plummeting. His eye shuts once again and he goes back to listening to the sounds of nature. 

'I'm sorry,' the woman next to him apologises. 

'Shhh,' he hushes her, tilting his head further down in concentration. 

All he can hear is her breathing. She's too close. He lets out a noise of frustration and opens his eyes, turning his head towards her. 'Hey,' She mumbles, twisting the ring on her left ring finger. 

'I can't do this anymore, Clara,' he says seriously, getting straight to the point. 

Her eyes widen,'What?' 

'What you're doing, what you're causing me to do, it isn't okay. I'm a parent, I have to set an example. I can't run around sleeping with someone who has a girlfriend she's in love with and you can't order me around like you did earlier. I love my daughter, Clara, and right now you're treating her like she doesn't exist. You wear my jumper to work even though you know she's going to be there, but apparently not caring enough to find something else to wear. You may as well have just jumped out of my bedroom and announced to Ellis that you shagged me because that's the impression you left on her. You tell me to leave my daughter because you want to see me and that's unacceptable. I think what's worst of all is that this whole time, you've had a girlfriend, and I've tried to pretend like that wouldn't last, but you two love each other and I can't get in the way of that.'

'I don't love her,' she blurts out. 

'Your accidental phone call earlier would say differently.'

'What did you hear?' She says, voice barely there. 

'It doesn't matter,' he runs a hand across his stubble,'Whatever is going on between us, Clara, it's over.'

'No no no, please don't say that. I love you!' She begs. 

'No you don't, you hardly know me,' something in him breaks at her words and his voice is suddenly harsh,'You have no respect for my family and you try to trick me into doing things I'm not comfortable doing! Do you think I wanted to leave my daughter tonight? I love her more than anything and because I was desperate to be happy, I left her tonight to be with you.'

'But-' her eyes are watery. 

'No, I'm done. I'm going home to my daughter. I hope you learn to grow up sometime soon, because if not, you have a hell of a lot coming for you,' he looks down at the lake below them. 

She stays silent and looks down at her hands, a tear running down her cheek. He glances over at her and feels a sense of pity run through him. There he was, next to the woman who managed to to gain his attention and pull him out of his shell, and she was crying. Because of him. 'You're right,' she croaks.

He nods and clasps his hands together, watching a fish jump out of the water and fall back in with a splash. A pair of arms wrap around him from the side and he tenses, his fingers digging into the back of his hands. 

'I'm sorry,' she chokes out, burying her face into his shoulder. 

Hesitantly, he pulls an arm out from underneath her and puts it around her, patting her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. She holds him tighter, small frame shaking against him. His phone vibrates in his pocket. He reaches his free hand into his pocket and pulls out his phone, seeing a text from Ellis. 

'Clara I have to go,' he tells her roughly. 

After a few seconds, she lets her arms fall from him and steps away, nodding weakly. 'Am I ever going to see you again?' She asks, voice cracking. 

'I don't know,' he replies truthfully,'If you can pull yourself together, then maybe.' 

'Okay,' she hold her arms out,'Since this is the last time I may see you, can I get a hug?' 

He turns his body towards her and steps forward wordlessly, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. She places her arms around his lower torso, holding him tightly, cheek pressed to his chest. 'I'm going to miss you,' she whispers,'You were for the first person in a long time to treat me like an actual person, so thank you for that.'

'I think if you can get your act together, you'll have a lot more people treating you respectfully,' he mumbles. 

Her breath hitches and some how her arms manage to tighten even more around him,'I hate you.'

'I'm sure you do,' his voice is low and his fingers curl on her back. He slides his hands down her arm and looks at her face, soaked with tears. 

'I'm sorry for everything,' she apologises. 

'Don't apologise. Just make it up to me and pull yourself together.' 

'I will. Thank you, John,' she wipes her face with her arm. 

'Goodbye, Clara,' he says, tone sincere. 

'Goodbye, John,' Clara says, with eyes still wet. He leaves her on the bridge, walking to his car. As he sits down and situates himself in his seat, he finally feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, and he can't help but smile just a little bit.


	9. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara deals with the aftermath of her conversation with John and John spends some time with his daughter, deciding what it is he really wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the incredibly long wait. Life gets in the way of things that make you happy sometimes.

She slams the door shut behind her, the decorations around it shaking. Her makeup running, dried tears still on her cheeks, fresh ones threatening to spill. She rushes to her room, locking the door behind her and ridding herself of his jumper, the one she hadn't realised she was wearing until this moment. A tear falls, uncalled for. She quickly wipes it away and throws the jumper to the other side of the room, looking down at her body with a shaky breath. Curves going too far in, too many ribs showing. John was right. She did need to grow up. How much she weighed should have stop mattering a long time ago. What she ate should have stopping mattering. Eating should have mattered.

She threads her fingers through her hair and balls them into a fist, pulling at her hair. She bites her lip, holding back the whimper threatening to escape from her lips. Her world feels like it's collapsing, everything she held on to collapsing around her. Reality hits her like a tornado. She was thirty and in an unstable relationship with a woman she didn't truly love, in a job that used to be her dream job, but was now Hell because she had to be greeted by teenagers while she was hung over. The first step to growing up is realising that the stupid decisions that were made were wrong. Step one done.

Step two is moving on. She rests her hand instinctively on her stomach, the other hand still firmly in her hair. How could she move on from anything is she still wasn't over Danny? Her hand slides up from her stomach and around to her bra strap, clumsily unclasping it. She lets her hand fall from her hair and watches as her bra slides down her arms, gently dropping to the floor.

Her mirror shows the reflection of someone else. Someone she didn't want to be. Messy hair and bloodshot eyes, hollowed cheekbones and a body like a skeleton. It was like she was seeing herself for the first time in a year and she didn't like what she saw. She needed to grow up and that's exactly what she was going to do. Follow John's advice.

She strips herself of the rest of her clothing and grabs a clean pair of undergarments. She digs through the rest of her drawers, looking for a pair of tights to no avail. Baggy sleep trousers and skinny jeans seem to be the only thing she has, so she goes for the latter, putting on her undergarments and jumping into her trousers. She steps to her closet and slides open the door, looking through the sparse selection inside. Sighing, she grabs a jumper and throws it on, adjusting the collar that was sticking out of the neck. Fake collars were for adults who didn't have time to get dressed. Mature adults took time out of their day to put on layers. She smoothes out her jumper with a frown and closes her closet, stepping to her door. Door flying open, her feet carry her to the living room.

On the couch sits the biggest mistake she had ever made, eyes trained in the telly, leg bouncing. Clara takes a shaky breath in and steps to the couch, waiting for her girlfriend to notice her. It doesn't take long for Nina to glance in her direction and freeze upon seeing Clara, giving her a small smile.

'I missed you, hun. Where were you?' Nina asks in a bright tone.

'At the park,' she replies, voice filled with false confidence. She sits down next to her lover and folds her hands in her lap,' We need to talk.'

Nina leans forward and mutes the television, turning her body so she's facing the petite brunette. 'What's up?' She questions, failing to mask her concern.

'I don't...' Clara pauses and looks at the floor, her hands tightening around each other painfully. Nina reaches over and places her hand on her girlfriend's, causing Clara to flinch and scoot away. She had to do this. 'I don't love you,' she chokes out.

Nina's expression drops. Silence fills the room and Clara watches Nina expectantly, her lip between her teeth. Nina breathes in sharply, eyes fixed on the floor,'Is this your way of breaking up with me?'

'I'm sorry, Nina, I tried to love you, I really did,' Clara watches every little move her lover makes.

Nina lets out a heavy breath, burying her hands in her hair as a tear runs down her cheek. 'No, please don't cry,' Clara begs, leaning towards the crying woman.

'Get away from me,' Nina breathes.

'I never meant to hurt you.'

Tears cascade down Nina's cheeks as she stands up, legs shaky as she steps away from the woman who had shattered her heart. She wipes her tears away with her forearm, more tears spilling down onto her cheeks. She sniffs,'Is this because of him?'

Clara stares at the woman in front of her, lost for words. Nina deserved to know the truth, but what was the truth? Was John really the reason behind this? 'I...,' Clara looks down at her lap,'I don't know, Nina.'

Clara looks up to see Nina with a hand over her mouth, holding back sobs. Their eyes meet. A tear rolls down Clara's cheek, her eyes betraying her as she tries to stay strong. 'I have one question before I leave,' Nina says, voice weak.

Clara nods. 'Were you just with him?' Nina asks, voice almost a whisper.

Clara breaks eye contact and her hands fidget with each other. 'I'm sorry, Nina. I really am,' the words fall out of her mouth before she can process them fully and she glances up at Nina, seeing a smile that can only be that of a broken woman on her lips.

'I can't be around you right now,' the words barely leave her mouth before she's rushing out of the room, the sound of a door slamming following her departure.

Clara sighs and cradles her head on her hands. Was this really what being an adult felt like?

-

The sound of a bass and a voice ring out through the house, flowing through John's ears. He finds himself in front of his daughter's door, not quite sure how he got there, sitting down with his head resting against the wall. He absorbs his daughters music, letting it calm him and take the edge off his nerves. A few minutes pass before he gets up, hand balled into a loose fist as he knocks on Ellis's door. The music ceases and silence assaults his ears.

'Yeah?' Ellis calls out.

John opens the door enough time peak his head through and gives his daughter a small smile,'Hey, kiddo.'

'Did you need something?' She asks, fingers idly playing with knobs on her instrument.

'Just wanted to tell you that I'm home.' 

'Okay,' she watches her dad move his head out of the doorway,'Hey, dad?'

He peeks his head back in,'Yeah?'

'Do you want go grab your guitar and maybe play a little?'

The corner of John's lips curl upward and he looks at his daughter for a moment, positive that this was all he needed in his life. 'I would love to,' he informs, pushing himself off her door frame,'I'll be right back.'

He rushes off to his room, grabbing his guitar and walking back to his daughter's room, careful not to hit his guitar on anything. Ellis smiles at her father as she sees him in her doorway, nodding to the chair across her room. John's legs carry him to the chair and he sits down slowly, placing his guitar in his lap and looking over at his daughter. She smiles at him and he feels a warm feeling flow through him.

He'd made the right decision.

-

The light of her phone mocks her from the coffee table, a text from Nina showing on the screen. Clara stares hard at her phone, trying to find the willpower to read the text from her used to be lover.

She couldn't. She leans forward and grabs her phone, hastily unlocking her phone and going to her messages. She stares at her messages with Nina, a preview of Nina's text below her name. 

_I hate you. I really do love you and you decide that it's okay to just..._

Clara didn't mean to read it. It was a subconscious action, but it had the effect of a conscious action. She feels her heart twinge as she swipes across her messages with Nina, the red of the delete button glaring at her. It felt like deleting the messages would be an end, a decent back into the loneliness she had felt before. Back to sleeping around and going to sleep drunk, waking up in a stranger's bed and rushing out with a dreadful hangover, trying to get to work on time.

She couldn't go back to that, really couldn't. Nina grounded her, kept her from making bad decisions and drinking every night. She needed her. She depended on her.

_I hope you learn to grow up sometime soon, because if not, you have a hell of a lot coming for you._

John's words ring through her head and she stares at her screen, vision blurring. She depended on Nina like a child depended on their parent. Parents led their children through life and helped them make the right decisions, even though their children would still mess up on occasion. She finally understood what John meant. She was no better than a child. 

Her thumb presses the delete button before she can second guess herself. That was it. The end of a relationship she had tried so hard to keep. She slumps back into the couch, grip loosening on her phone. She was alone.

-

John groans and covers his eyes with his arm, the sound of strings being plucked having interrupted his otherwise peaceful sleep. He cracks open his eyes, looking at the source of the noise.

'El,' he groans, shifting on the couch, 'What time is it?'

She stops plucking, 'A little past ten. Sorry if I woke you up.'

'It's okay, I love hearing you play,' he smiles lazily.

Ellis smiles and looks down at the stings of her bass, fingers lightly running over them. 'Do you remember when I first got this bass?'

He laughs lightly,'Of course I do. You would never let go of it even though it was practically as big as you were!'

She bites her lip,'I didn't know how to play, yet you and mom would ask for me to play for you almost every night.'

'You seemed to be keen on playing for us all hours of the day. Your mother would wake up at ungodly hours to the sound of you playing bass and stay up until you stopped. Some nights you didn't.'

'Why didn't she stop me?'

'She loved you, El. She was glad you were doing something you loved.'

A silence settles between them. There was no where else that topic could go without the both of them ending up in tears. John sits up, posture slumped as he keeps his eyes trained on the floor. The cushion next to him sinks in and arms wrap around his shoulders. He places his hand atop her arm, patting it gently.

'I miss mom,' Ellis murmurs.

'I miss her too,' he whispers sorrowfully. 

There's nothing else that needs saying.

-

Clara wakes up to the sun shining in her eyes, the sound of a radio show coming from somewhere down the hall. Her alarm. Shit. She jumps up, promptly regretting her decision as a sharp pain shoots through her back. Sleeping on the couch; not grown up. That was the last time she would be doing that. With that established, she rushes to her room, glancing at the time before turning off her alarm. She still had time. Granted, not enough time to shower, but enough time to do everything else. Glancing over to her closet, she frowns, seeing clothes that used to be strewn across the floor hanging up. Nina must have done laundry. A spark of pain goes through her at the thought of Nina. She wasn't Nina's anymore. She wasn't anyone's. The thought makes her want to skip work and drink, stumble down to the pub and find someone that will make her feel like something for the night. She'd done it time and time again, so why not do it now? There was no one holding her back. 

Even when someone was holding her back, it didn't stop her. She had lost count of how many people she had slept with since she had started dating Nina. It wasn't really that she lost count, she had stopped counting after she got to double digits. The first time she felt guilty. She told Nina and cried into her shoulder, apologising profusely. It wasn't until the eighth time that she told her girlfriend again, feeling guilty because this time it had been a woman. By the tenth time she felt nothing. And then John came along. Gave her his number and told her he didn't want to get rid of her, unlike every other guy she had slept with. He gave her his number and let her in, despite her having a girlfriend. All she'd done in return is use him. 

Looks like it was going to be that kind of day then. Almost everyday was that kind of day, her beating herself up over her mistakes. She runs a hand through her hair and shakes herself out of her thoughts, focusing on the contents of her closet. She takes the first thing that catches her eye, a pair of shorts and a light grey jumper. She grabs a pair of tights on her way to the bathroom, throwing on her clothes and looking at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were bloodshot, flat on one side and a mess on the other. She sighs, taking a hair tie off of her cluttered counter and putting her hair in a messy bun. It would have to do. She didn't have time to do anything else. 

Half marked papers that she had meant to finish sit on the desk in her room, forgotten as she rushes out, nearly falling on her face as she trips over a bag with papers spilling out of it. She makes a mental note to clean later as she walks out the door. School is chaos, as she had expected it to be. The end of the day rolls around quicker than she would like it to and she's left feeling as empty as she had in the morning, the thought of drinking overwhelming her mind. She sits in front of her desk at the end of the work day, papers piled up, yet to be marked. She wants to leave. An adult would stay and finish their work. So, that's what she'd do then. 

Clara leans forward, a puff of air escaping her lips as she picks up her pen. Before her pen even touches the paper, there's a knock on her classroom door. She groans. 

'Yes?' she calls to the door, aggravated. 

The door cracks open and a head peaks through. Clara's eyes widen.

'I need to talk to you.'


	10. Stages and Steps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *procrastinates from doing things I actually want to do*

Clara stares at John in her doorway, expecting him to disappear at any second. She slowly moves her hand to the arms of her chair, pushing herself up and taking cautious steps towards him, gaze baring into him. Her hand touches his chest, being met with solid flesh and bone. Choking out a bitter laugh, she smiles up at him, 'I thought you never wanted to see me again?'

'Ellis sent me,' he admits.

Her mood drops. He was only here for his daughter, probably to see if she had missed any work. She drops her hand from his chest and turns on her heel, heading back to her desk. 'For her work, I assume?'

'No,' John answers.

Clara jerks her head in his direction, staring at him. He's looking at her still, attempting to smile.

'I still want to be your friend, Clara.'

Friend. The word stabbed her through the heart and she had to use all of her strength to hold the air in her lungs. She had to be strong, so she nods, not trusting words.

'I just can't go on doing what we've been doing, which you already know. You really are a wonderful girl, Clara, you just need to sort yourself out. Anyone would be lucky to have you,' he continues.

What did he know about her? All they'd done is sleep together. He barely even knew her. And it finally sunk in. He didn't know her. She didn't know him. All she knew was his name. What chance did they have being anything other than friends?

So she steps towards him and holds out her hand, struggling to lock her eyes on his, her vision blurring. His hand touches hers and she falls apart. She wasn't supposed to have developed feelings. This wasn't supposed to be happening. Her hand moves limply up and down with the direction of his. Their hands slip apart, hers falling to her side. Her eyes trail down his face to his lips, the ones she had kissed only a few times. She wishes she could kiss them one last time.

'I suppose I'll be seeing you around then,' John goes to turn around, leave her by herself for God knows how long.

She knows she shouldn't do what she's about to do, really does, but the thought of him makes her feel like so much God damn more than she really is and she'd be damned if she didn't get to feel those butterflies in her stomach one last time. Her hand is in his before he can take another step away and she pulls him back to her, resting her hand on his chest to steady him. He stares down at her with wide eyes.

'I know you wanted me to grow up and really, I'm trying, but I can't do this alone, John. Please, don't cut me off,' she begs.

His expression softens,'I won't, Clara.'

'Thank you,' she whisper, hand moving up to his shoulder. She rests her forehead on his chest and takes a deep breath out.

His hands stay at his sides, defiant and unsure, 'I have to get back to Ellis, I told her I wouldn't be gone for long.'

Clara nods against his chest and steps away, looking at anything but him.

'I'll call you, yeah?' he tells her, the heat of his gaze burning her.

She nods once again, afraid she'll choke on her words if she opens her mouth.

He leaves without another word, taking her heart with him. She feels empty without it.

-

How did she have this many papers to mark? She had picked up all of the papers she could find in her room, not yet bothering with the rest of her flat. Surely there couldn't be anymore papers out there. She was practically drowning in papers as it was. Maybe she should assign less work to her students?

Probably not the smartest of ideas. Her gaze wanders over to the pile of finished papers, pitiful compared to the mountain of papers that still needed marked. She takes her pen out from between her teeth, letting a puff of air leave her lips as she looks blankly at the paper in front of her, pen hovering over it. Step three of being a responsible adult: managing a job.

-

John sits in bed, bottle held loosely in his hand as he stares blankly ahead. God, he missed her. He missed her smile, her smell, her lips on his. Everything. Every little thing that made her the woman he fell in love with. River.

He sighs, lifting the bottle up to his lips once more, letting fill his mouth and burn his throat. He wanted to be with her, wherever she was. In the afterlife or in the ground. There was no one else for him but her. He would give anything just to be able to see her again, hold her and tell her he loved her more than anything.

But, was that still true? Did he still love her? The answer, of course, was something he was not willing to admit. He didn't love her like he used to. It was almost as if he didn't love her at all.

No, no, no, that's wrong. He loved her. He does love her. He forces alcohol down his throat once more, the sting a welcome feeling. His phone vibrates in his pocket. He ignores it, not nearly enough alcohol in his system for him to put up with anyone. As he goes to raise the bottle once more, the front door opens and he groans, dropping the bottle on the floor and staggering up, blood rushing to his head as he gets up. There's the feeling he had been looking for, the feeling of alcohol rushing through his blood, barely able to control his body. God, it felt good. Freeing.

'I hope you're okay with frozen pizza for dinner because that's what I g-' Ellis freezes in the doorway leading to the living room, seeing her father standing there, figure slumped and a bottle hanging loosely in his hand. Her expression drops.

'El!,' John smiles, stumbling towards her. He holds out the hand that isn't currently occupied, signalling for her to hand him their dinner.

'God, dad, you need to stop doing this,' Ellis sighs, looking past him to the floor. Too many bottles. How he didn't trip on the way to her is beyond her. 'How about you go sit down and I'll put dinner in, okay?'

'I can do it,' he huffs, emphasising his point by pushing his hand towards her once again.

She balances the boxes in one hand and places her hand on his shoulder, leading him to the couch. Carefully, she slides her hand down his arm, wrapping her fingers around his lightly.

'What you doing?' he slurs.

She doesn't reply, moves her hand down and takes the bottle from him. John watches his hand intently as she leaves the room, almost expecting another bottle to materialise in place of the last one. The glint of a bottle on the floor catches his eye and he leans, stretching his body to a point that would be painful if alcohol weren't swimming around in his head. His hand grazes the bottle, almost there, before it's out of his reach and he looks up, seeing his daughter holding the bottle and looking at him sternly.

'No,' she tuts, looking around. Probably for more bottles, he thinks.

His thoughts are proven correct as he watches her pick up the rest of the rubbish scattered about the floor. A breath leaves her parted lips as she looks up at him, features riddled with disappointment. 'You said you would stop. We both know what happened last time, dad,' her eyes break contact with his, 'I can't do that again.'

'It's not your problem, Ellis! You can just turn around and leave because there's nothing you can do!' John spits.

'Dad, please,' she pleads quietly.

He snorts, 'Only person who could get me to stop was your mum, and now she's gone. Everything I fucking touch gets hurt. It's not fair. Why can't I just have one simple thing in my life?' he pauses and casts his gaze up towards her, icy look in his eyes, 'You should just go before you end up like her.' 

She stares at him, an emotion he can't quite read contorting her features. It almost looks like worry, but there's a hint of something else to it. Pressing her lips together, she turns around and heads to the kitchen. John lays back, head swimming and limbs feeling like lead. God, when did he become this? He wanted his life back.

-

Clara jerks awake to the sound of her phone ringing, disoriented for a moment as she tries to figure out where the hell she is. The chair under her is overall unpleasant and all she can make out of the room is a bleary white. She squeezes her eyes shut and drops her head on the table in front of her. The solid sound of bone hitting wood lets her know that she has just hit her head on not the desk in her room, but her kitchen table. So, kitchen then. 

No longer with the distraction of where she was, she focuses back on the ringing, slipping her hand into her pocket to find nothing. Squinting her eyes open, she looks to the table and sees the telltale green of the answer call button on her phone. She swipes it up quickly and answers the call, not bothering to check who it was on the other end.

'Hello,' Clara croaks.

' _Hey_ ,' a voice on the other end breathes out, unsure.

Clara furrows her brow, 'Ellis?'

' _Yeah_ ,' there's a pause, ' _I need your help.'_

'Can it wait until tomorrow, Ellis?' Clara questions, hoping that she wouldn't have to deal with anything.

There's a shout from the other end of the phone, the voice belonging to who she can only assume is John. ' _No_ ,' her voice is hushed.

'Alright,' Clara sighs, 'What's going on, then?'

' _Dad's been drinking. He wants me to leave, thinks I'm going to hurt him. I don't know what to do, Miss Oswald_ ,' another shout in the background interrupts her, this time the words far more clear.

_'Where the hell did you put the rest of the scotch? It used to be right up here!'_

His words were slurred, hardly even formed correctly. Clara bites her lip, instinctively reaching for her motorcycle keys.

' _I'm scared_ ,' Ellis whispers, ' _Please, I don't know what to do.'_

Clara stands up, the thought of sleep being pushed to the back of her mind. She rushes out, phone pressed between her ear and her shoulder as she steps into her shoes on the way to the parking lot. 'Go sit on the front step, okay? Don't tell your dad, just go.'

' _Okay_ ,' the line goes silent for a few moments before Ellis starts speaking again, ' _What if he notices I'm gone?'_

'He won't.'

_'How do you know that?'_

'Ellis, when people drink the way I think your father has been drinking, they start to forget things.'

_'But I'm his daughter.'_

Clara stays silent for a moment, staring blankly down at her motorbike. 'Just, go outside, okay? You shouldn't be around your dad when he's in that state.'

Ellis finally agrees, the shuffling of her feet being followed by the sound of the door closing behind her. ' _Okay, I'm outside. Now what?'_

'Now I'm going to come talk some sense into your dad.'

' _Thank you_ ,' Ellis sniffs.

'I'll be there soon. Stay safe.'

' _I will.'_

'Good.'

' _Okay.'_

The call ends. Clara jumps on her motorcycle, ignoring traffic laws as she speeds to John's house, praying she can get there before anymore damage is done. As the wind blows through her hair and the lights blur by her, she hopes that any damage that had already been wasn't permanent, because if it was, she doesn't know how she will live with herself. No, she corrects, John wasn't her responsibility, he was her friend. Step four of being an adult: do not let other people's problems determine your self worth.


	11. Loved/Left

She looks up, seeing Ellis staring at her with wide eyes, lips parted. Clara steps off her bike, taking off her helmet and letting it hang from the handle of her bike, striding over to Ellis, dress flowing behind her. She sits down next to her in a fluid movement, looking over at the teenager with concern. 'Are you okay?' Clara asks, keeping her eyes on Ellis.

Ellis stares at her feet, refusing to look up at her teacher, 'Yeah. This isn't the first time this has happened.'

Clara freezes. This had happened before. John, the man who had told her to grow up, hadn't even grown up himself. She feels her blood begin to boil and looks to the door. 'Will you be okay out here?' She asks though gritted teeth. 

Ellis nods. Angrily, Clara pushes herself up and storms into the house, built up frustration in every step she takes.

'John, you get your arse out here right now!' She shouts, making her way to the kitchen.

She stops when she sees him, sitting on the kitchen floor with his knees pulled up to his chest and his head in his hands. Sitting on the floor next to him was a half full bottle of whiskey, one she assumed he had scoured the kitchen for based on what she had heard on the phone earlier. She takes gentle steps towards him and swiftly picks up the bottle next to him, placing it on the counter and taking the place of it on the floor.

Clara reaches out and places her hand on his knee, shaking it lightly, deciding that anger wasn't the best approach to this situation. John turns his head to look at her with bloodshot eyes, face wet with tears. He places a shaky hand on her cheek and chokes out a sob, letting his forehead come to rest on hers.

'God, you're real. You're here,' he breathes out, thumb stroking her cheek roughly.

Everything suddenly becomes a little more real with him touching her, his breath insulting her nose. She places her hand atop his, gently pulling it off her cheek and letting it rest in her lap, trying to keep her anger at bay. He holds her hand tight, staring at her with wide eyes. 'You're so beautiful,' he slurs.

Clara sighs, eyes casting down towards her shoes. It was just the alcohol making him say that. He would never tell her that if he were sober. She starts to stand up, being pulled back by a hand on her wrist. She looks over, only to have his lips come in contact with hers, the taste of whiskey making her mouth sting. His lips start to move against hers, warm and uncoordinated, making her head spin. She wishes she could just give in, let him snog the breath away from her, but she had promised him she wouldn't. Friends, they had agreed. So, with a sharp intake of breath, she pushes him away, looking at him with wide eyes.

A moment passes where he simply just gazes at her with a look of awe on his face. The moment quickly passes and his hand slips into hers, a small smile forming on his lips. He gets onto his feet with a surprising amount of swiftness and she has no choice but to stand up with him. He tugs on her hand as he stumbles out of the kitchen and she follows him, not quite sure what is motivating her to do so. She only hesitates when they get to his room and he closes the door behind them, looking back at her with a glint in his eye.

John closes in on her and cups her cheeks, breath reeking of alcohol. She recoils, taking a step back only for him to take a step closer. 'I'm gunna kiss you,' he slurs out.

She doesn't have time to duck away from his kiss as he falls into her. Unable to keep her footing, she stumbles back and they both fall to his bed unceremoniously, foreheads bumping. His hands had slipped off her cheeks during the fall, coming to rest on the bed to support his weight. Her hands go up to his chest on instinct and she stares up at him wide eyed. The adrenaline coursing through her veins dulls the pain in her forehead. He gazes down at her, a spark in his eyes she wishes wasn't there.

She puts on the best teacher look that she can, 'You, John Smith, need to get your shit together.' And with that, she pushes him off of her, him collapsing into a pile of uncoordinated limbs on the floor. Clara sits up and glares at the man, thoughts wandering back to the girl outside. Ellis wasn't safe with him. She needed a parent who could act like a mature adult and be a good role model, not this. The look on John's face made all of the anger she had left leave her. Disappointment, hurt, and loss. With a sigh, she jumps off the bed and helps him up, looking him in the eye as he finally manages to stay on both feet without falling over.

'You have a daughter, John,' she places a hand on his chest, 'All of this love you have, you have to give it to her. She needs it more than anyone else does. She's outside, afraid to come back in because she thinks you're going to do something to her.'

'Clara, I don't think I can love her with all of my heart,' he whispers, hand coming up to cup her cheek.

She stares up at him, waiting for him to elaborate.

'You've been taking pieces of my heart ever since we met,' he admits, dropping his gaze to the ground.

'Stop,' she stares him dead in the eye, no longer willing to put up with him, 'I'm leaving, and if your daughter wants to come with me, I'm taking her with me, because I cannot willingly leave her in a place where she doesn't feel safe.'

His posture slouches, arms hanging limp at his sides. Clara risks one last look at him and takes it all of him in- his unwashed clothes, alcohol tinted breath she could smell from the other side of the room, disheveled hair, and stubble forming on his chin- signs of a man who had given up. She turns to leave with a heavy heart, knowing there was nothing she could do to help him. She had done all she could in her state.

His deep voice rings out before she can leave the room, stopping her in her tracks, 'I had a family, and then I lost them. I thought, maybe, you could fill the hole, be what I needed in life more than anything. I let my feelings get in the way of reality. I met you in a bar, Clara. We slept together and I thought maybe something could come out. I ignored the drinking and the warning signs, even though I should have known better. I thought you were brilliant, even when I knew you had a girlfriend because I looked past everything I shouldn't have and I saw the good in you.

'I lost my wife and my daughter hardly talks to me anymore unless it's to check up on me because she feels like she has an obligation to. I can't trust people, Clara, I can't get close to them and I can't make friends with anyone because I'm so scared I'm going to lose them. You were any exception. When I first saw you I felt like I knew you and for some reason, deep down, I trusted you. And that terrified me. I made the mistake of letting myself feel again because there was something about you that made me want to. You made me not afraid to come out of the hole I had buried myself in since River's death. But it turns out everything I thought was wrong. So, get out. I don't want to deal with you anymore.'

She stares at him for a moment before turning around and leaving without a word, her eyes stinging with tears. She rushes out of his house and only stops when she gets to her motorbike, looking over at Ellis with a solemn expression, trying not to let her feelings of hurt show. 

'Ellis,' she starts, 'You want to come with me?'

Ellis, who had been watching Clara ever since she burst out of the house, shakes her head, 'I have to stay here with him, he needs someone. Thank you, though.'

Clara nods, 'Please stay safe and take care of him.'

'I will,' Ellis gives her a weak smile.

Clara gives her own sorrowful smile back, 'Goodbye, Ellis.'

'Bye, Miss Oswald.'

And with that, Clara drives away, leaving Ellis alone and terrified for what was to come next. Step five of being an adult: know when to walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter, but a turning point in the story.


	12. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A reflection of events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A hate filled writing session that resulted in this. My inspiration has been gone for a while, but it turns out it's back after this just after you thought you'd gotten rid of me.

People are like stars, they shine and they change and they outlive. They watch and they die. They want something more from something they can never get. People are like stars as they wait to stop being as their life passes by. They are silent observers to their lives.

He was ready to stop being. He was ready to implode in a burst of unabashed shame and depression and never be again. But, that's the thing about stars, they will always be again, stars will break apart and become something else. Particles becoming people and people becoming corpses. Even in his death his soul will carry on and he doesn't want to. He doesn't want to keep going, not without her. 

He would let the world take him before he took himself. He wouldn't give it the satisfaction. 

At least, that's what he tells himself as he stands alone in his room, the silence after she leaves deafening. He's too shocked to move, the seriousness of the situation having shocked him into sobriety. His head was swimming with thoughts and ideas, ways to get her back, to apologise, and above all, how to move on from what just happened. There was no clear next step, no manual to tell him what to do, no guide for this exact situation. He shouldn't want her back, but his heart was stuck. She was everything he wanted. Witty, able to keep up with him, and an ego to match his own. He knew he shouldn't. She was only trouble. He was, in every sense, hopeless.   
\-   
She was ready to start being. She was tired of being dim and observing, not taking any action to change. Although, the problem is, no one ever told her what to do after the first man that treated her kindly broke her heart. What was there to do? Act as if never happened and move on? How could she move on when he managed to make her feel so much? So much more than any one night stand, any occasional shag buddy. So much more than Nina. How was it fair that someone could mean so much to her and she could mean nothing to them?

At least, that's what she argues as her hair whips behind her in the wind, the sounds around her silenced by her thoughts. She's too upset to stop driving, to stop her heart from racing. How could she have given him up? How could she have gone so low to give up the only good thing just to fuel her alcohol addiction and need to feel like something? 

She should have learned how to let go of something, for there's no easy way to say you're giving up. To say that all hope has suddenly left, with no intention of coming back. She really wishes that things had gone differently. Truly and utterly does, but what else is there to do? There's no crawling back to him, no begging and pleading for him to take her, to make her his once again. There is no easy way to come back from an argument that ended in tears on only one end, that had no emotion from the other party after they were really well into it and set on making her leave. There was no way to say she was sorry because no matter how far inside herself she reached, she wasn't. She couldn't be sorry because she was just trying to have fun in a way that wasn't an awkward fumble. Wasn't something she would regret the next day or look back on and wish she'd never done. But it had become that. She had dug a grave so deep by doing what she always did. She hoped and hoped and hoped only to get nowhere with any chance of happiness diminished. 

What was she to do? She's tried so heard to have something nice, to finally have a chance at a life. She's realised her mistakes, she'd tried to get better, all for this. All for another fucking let down with no payback. She didn't get anything out of it. Only more and more adding onto the immense pile of fuck ups that she had already managed. She didn't know what was left to do. Have a chance at something only to get let down again? Hop around bars, getting into any pants that looked even mildly pleasing in her, what now she could only call normal, alcohol induced state. Maybe she wasn't supposed to be happy. Maybe she was supposed to be the stereotypical representation of someone who had no control. The only thing she could trust was alcohol, which really shouldn't be something she trusts. It makes her drop so much just so she can have another woman's head between her legs or a man buried deep within her. At least they enjoyed it. All she was left with was a dead feeling in the morning, her joints aching and her sex raw. She couldn't take much more. Was there any point if it just meant happiness would never come? Why keep trying? Why do anything? 

She doesn't hear the horn over her thoughts, too engulfed in the screaming in her head telling her to stop, stop thinking, stop being, stop dwelling. The first things she feels is the pain, her arm torn up and knee stinging, liquid pooling up beneath her quickly, her only coherent thought being that there's no way she has that much blood to bleed. There must be someone else. And that's when she looks over to see a flash of brown hair and a concerned face, hardly registering the hands on her body as pain engulfs her. She hears screaming, ever so faint and distant, hears footsteps and sees people surrounding her and only her. Why weren't they checking on whoever else was bleeding? Why was the man still hovering above her and not worrying about who else was there. It's only when she feels her head begin to drift and looks back up at the man does she realise the cut on his head and puts it together. He was the other one. The blood on the ground wasn't from anyone else. She feels a hand slip into hers and then, nothing.


	13. Life

Six years ago

'Daddy! Swing me higher!' Ellis squeals, joy flooding for her. 

John's smile, if possible, widens at the sight of his daughter, and he moves to push her once more, feeling a profound sense of love fill him at the sound of her laughter. 

'John, I swear, if you swing her too high she's going to fly away,' his wife teases behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist and securing her head on his shoulder. 

'Wouldn't dream of it, darling,' he murmurs, looking over at her with a spark in his eye. 

She matches his gaze, her lips curling up into a gentle smile. She leans up, lips gently caressing his and he feels the spark he's felt every time their lips touch. His hand come up to rest on her cheek, deepening the kiss just enough that it was still kid friendly. He's so lost in her lips, in the taste of her and the way she tries to hold back a moan that he doesn't hear the sound of feet sliding against mulch. 

'Ew, mommy, stop doing that,' the child whines, pulling on her mother's shirt, even though she could have easily pushed them apart, being almost half her mother's height already. 

John's the one that pulls away, looking down at his daughter with nothing but adoration. 'I'm sorry, sweetie, daddy had something on his face,' River says, slipping out from behind the lanky man and kneeling down to her daughters height, 'You know how he is with food.'

'He's messier than I am!' Chants Ellis, laughing happily at the statement. 

John scoops her up before she can protest, slinging her over his shoulder and laughing, 'Would you like to bet on that?'

'No one's messy as you, daddy!' She laughs. 

John catches River winking at him and silently chides her, bringing his attention back to his daughter, 'How about we go get some ice cream and test that theory?' 

She gasps and pushes herself up from his shoulder, shifting to sit in his arms, 'Can we really?' 

'I don't see why not,' John glances up at River, waiting for her approval. 

'If I don't get a solid conclusion to this  everlasting argument then I'm never letting either of you eat ice cream again,' River says in mock frustration. 

John and Ellis smirk at each other, a silent agreement between them. 

-

They both really, were horrible at eating. He'd talk too much and miss his mark with his food and she, well, she was a child. 

So, as River watched them eat, she really wasn't surprised to see them both become spattered with melting ice cream in ungodly places. 

'You know, John, you really should learn how to eat with your mouth closed,' she says, chin in her palm. 

'Maybe you should be telling that to Ellis,' he argues, earning a laugh from Ellis in which ice cream goes everywhere. 

'River, there's foul play! She's getting her ice cream all over me,' he whines, looking down at the brown spot on his otherwise spotless shirt. 

'Not my fault you made her laugh,' she says. 

He looks up at her and smiles, earning a gentle curl of her lips. John's eyes wander to it and he wants to plant his lips on hers, not quite sure what's stopping him. Ellis scoots next to him, resting her head on his arm and bouncing her leg excitedly, looking up at him expectantly. 

'What is it, sweetheart?' He asks. 

'You're staring at mommy.'

'Oh, was I?'

'You have to finish your ice cream. We had a theory, remember?'

'Doesn't mean I can't look at your mum,' his eyes wander back to River. 

'She could be helping you cheat!' Proclaims the child, pouting furiously up at her father. 

River waves John away, signalling him to go back to eating, 'You can look at me later, sweetie.'

Oh, how he was looking forward to it. 

-

John closes the door behind them before River can get another word out, pushing her up against it and smashing his lips to hers. It's messy and definitely a little past wet, but Gods, it felt so good. Her lips against his never failed to bring a spark to his stomach and stir up feelings he wasn't worthy of feeling. Their tongues clash not a moment later, her hand already wandering down his lower stomach, venturing towards his belt. She pulls him closer by it, her teeth sinking into his lip as she unbuckles it was practised precision. 

'Is Ellis in bed?' She inquires breathily. 

'Yeah, just put her to sleep,' he whispers, voice gravelly, 'Now how about I let you ride me until you can't feel anymore and have me begging?'

'Add a little bit more making me scream and that sounds like the perfect night,' she purrs. 

'Oh, River. You aren't going to be able to walk right tomorrow,' he leans down to her ear, voice vibrating within him, 'I can promise you that.'

She shivers, causing his ego to swell. He pushes her to the bed, all thoughts of her hand around him forgotten as he collapses to the bed, feeling his member grow at the sight of his wife stripping down in front of him, a seductive smile on her face. She peels off her knickers, her last piece of clothing, and pounces him.

He can't wait and he knows neither can she. The feeling of her sinking down on him is all it takes to lose himself in her.   
-  
He wakes up to feather light kisses on his chest, moaning lightly at the feeling. The feeling of nails scratching down his chest, causing his blood to rush south. 

'Don't tease me,' he groans, dropping his head back as his wife runs he tongue along his nipple. 

'Oh, but it's so delightfully fun,' River purrs. 

'I have to-'

His words are drowned out when she wraps her hand around his member. 'Whatever you have to do can wait,' her tone is hushed as she moves down the bed, stopping to hover dangerously over his crotch. Her lips wrap around him and he lets out a gasp, hands instinctively reaching down to bury in her curls. He can feel her smirk, a victorious gesture at the fact that he has given up so easily. Her mouth does wonders on him, it always has, so it's no surprise to him that he's bucking into her mouth within a few minutes, on the verge of spilling into her mouth. 

The door of their room bursts open, Ellis grinning on the other side, 'Mommy, daddy!'

The look of absolute horror and disappointment on John's face was a look to behold. River is off of him in an instant, springing up onto the pillow next to him. 'Found it,' she blurts out, shooting him a seductive look while holding her wedding ring victoriously in the air. 

Ellis bounds over to them, jumping onto her father and earning a grimace from him. 'Time to go to Aunt Missy's!' Ellis shouts, grinning from ear to ear. 

John squeezes his eyes shut, trying to ignoring the throbbing member in between his legs. 'Give daddy just a second, okay?' His voice is deeper than he anticipates and he wants to hit himself. 

'Hurry!' She jumps off his bed, leaving their room in a rush and slamming the door behind her.

River looks over to him, a smirk on her lips, 'We have five minutes.'

'You're going to be the death of me.' 

'Oh, quite the contrary, my dear husband,' she pulls the covers off of him, revealing his straining erection, 'I'm the only thing keeping you together.'

And with that, she goes down on him.

-

'Come on, darling, we're going to be late,' he warns, peaking into her office. 

'Calm down, John, I'm almost ready,' she chides, glancing over at him, 'If you're patient maybe I'll let you have dessert afterwards.'

'I'd rather have dessert right now,' his eyes takes on a darker shade. 

'Patience, sweetie,' she smirks, going back to the task at hand. 

He isn't looking when it happens, the spark flying into her face or the took she was using slipping, only looks back to see her collapsing with the artefact falling to the ground, shattering to pieces. Her name tears from his lungs and he's at her side, holding her, trying anything to wake her up. It isn't working, his tears dripping onto her paling skin. 

He doesn't notice the puddle in the ruins of the artefact, doesn't have the time to pay notice to anything that isn't her. He hugs her close, love flowing from his lips like it's his last chance at saving her. It doesn't work. In his arms lay a dead woman, poisoned by what once used to be a trap for ancient people. His wife was gone, and no declaration or whispered promise was going to bring her back. 

He cradles her closer, a life he had once loved now gone with her.


	14. Pretend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recovery and loss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Expect more updates soon

Clara squints her eyes open to a blindingly bright light. She immediately slams them shut, the light triggering a throbbing in her temples. Beside her, there's a faint beep, steady, unchanging. She attempts to open her eyes again to locate the sound of the beeping, only managing a squint. It's then that she sees a grey haired figure standing next to her, staring down at a chart. She opens her eyes widely, despite the sting of the light, the blurry figure becoming clear as she holds her breath. He looks up and their eyes meet. 

It's when she tries to move does she wrap her head around where she was. The hospital. She grimaces at the thought. 

'How do you feel?' He quips, eyes burning holes into hers. 

Her eyes wander down to the wire poking into her arm, if only to break the eye contact. 'I'm okay, I guess. My leg hurts a bit,' she replies. 

He runs his hand through his hair, looking back down at the chart, 'Is everything else feeling okay? No nausea or dizziness?'

She shakes her head no, taken off guard by the throbbing in her head as she does so. He nods, nonetheless, not noticing the grimace on his face as he stays focused on the information in front of him. 'I'm going to go see if we can get you a higher dosage of pain medication for your leg. If you need anything, the remote next to your bed has a help button on it. Just press it and a nurse will be in here to help you with anything you need.'

He leaves without another word.

-

'Dad, she's been gone for a week. You remember what happened to mom, she was fine and then no one knew about her until the people that didn't know started calling us and asking,' Ellis is accusing, 'We can't be too careful because these things happen to our family. We lose people we love.'

'We've only lost your mom,' John scoffs. 

'Isn't that enough?' She shoots back.

'It's one person, Ellis!' 

Ellis glares at him, feet planted firmly in the ground, voice raising, 'Do you want it to become two?'

'Why should it matter? She left! She didn't want to be a part of this family,' his fingers clench into fists, muscles straining. 

'Ever think that I need someone? I can't handle having to take care of you and pick up the pieces that mom made. I'm your child! Yet I have to deal with you coming home drunk most nights and telling me how much you miss mom. It's been too long for you to still be like this! I don't want it! Mom never would have wanted it!' She's on the verge on tears, choking on her own words, 'Clara wouldn't want this.'

He stays silent for a moment, staring at her with icy eyes. 'Clara doesn't matter anymore,' he mutters, stepping past her and rushing out of the house. 

-

Clara takes a cautious step forward, wincing as she does so. 'Are you sure there's a not a less painful way to do this?'

The doctor next to her smiles sadly, adjusting his grip on her waist, 'I'm sorry, Miss Oswald, with an injury this severe, we have to make sure the leg will still function properly with the injury until it begins to fully heal.'

'Great,' Clara utters. 

She looks down at her body, taking notice of how the minor bruises had begun to heal over the past week and the heavy bandaging over her left leg, preventing her from seeing any progress in the main part of her recovery.

She sighs, casting her eyes away from her leg before she can think about it much more. 

-

As he lays in bed that night, he can't stop thinking about her eyes. They told stories he'd never heard from her lips, of heartbreak and yearning and lost opportunities. He remembers the way they were when they first met, the dull sea of brown that always seemed glazed over, like she was incapable of feeling anything at all when he first saw her. His heart aches at the thought of how they had looked when she first woke up next to him, wide and terrified, regret bubbling up behind the cloud of fear. She'd looked like a doe in headlights and all he'd done was shag her. It was such a different look than when they'd stood on the bridge together and he'd told her what he had, knowing it was the right decision but seeing the light in her eyes that had started to show little by little after they had started talking die, her eyes that had been wide in wonder and joy becoming lidded as she tried to hide what she was feeling. Disappointment, betrayal, and above it all, heartbreak. 

John tries to remember her eyes the last time he saw her, the blur of brown hair and eyes and the green of her dress mixing together in his head and making it difficult for him to remember what her eyes had looked like when he kissed her, or when he pulled her to his bedroom, or even when he told her off. He wonders what her eyes would look like now, wherever she was, if they would be shining with joy or dull with the disappoint of life. 

He hoped it was the former. She always looked so beautiful when she smiled and her eyes became the most intriguing shade of brown. 

-

Clara's first time standing up on her own is an achievement in itself, the feeling of victory and pride that flutters through her causing her lips to quirk up in a smile. It lasts as she hobbles to the bathroom on her crutches, stopping in front of the mirror and watching her smile fall flat as she sees someone she doesn't recognise. The woman that stares back at her with tousled chestnut locks and lifeless brown eyes, a hospital gown hanging loosely from her form isn't the person she remembers seeing the last time she'd looked at herself. A dull ache starts in her chest as the first time in a week, she thinks of the person she told herself she'd stop thinking about. She thinks about what he'd said when they'd been standing together under the stars and he'd broken her heart.

She couldn't pretend she was okay anymore. 

-

He couldn't pretend he didn't miss her anymore.


	15. Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recovery and reuniting

It hurts to breath. Hurts to think. Hurts to do anything other than just sit and stare at the bottle of scotch in his hand. John can't stop thinking about her. It's maddening. He wants for all the world for the thoughts to stop, for him to be able to forget the taste of her lips and the feeling of her around him. It'd be so easy to bring the bottle to his lips and forget all about her. 

Her with her eyes and her never giving up. Her kindness. Her anger. 

 

He'd fallen in love with her and it hurt worse than he ever could've imagined. 

-  
It takes another week for her to be released from the hospital. Her leg had been healing at what the doctors had been calling a 'phenomenal rate' and had deemed her worthy of leaving with a set of crutches and a, quite frankly, hideous cast. As she steps foot outside the hospital and fills her lungs with the outside air, she feels her heart swell with recognition of the start of a new point in her life. 

A new beginning

-

The first day of her recovery, she's invited to a welcome back party at the school. Clara's flattered, really, but she she had a two month leave on account of her injury and she had absolutely no clue why the welcome back party was so soon. Despite her confusion, she agrees to go, knowing that an important part of maturing was going out and talking to other people without trying to get into their pants. 

It'll be fine. Maybe even fun. 

-

The bedroom door cracks open and Ellis peaks in, her eyes wide. John's mouth begins to open in question when she blurts out four words that change his mood completely. 

'Dad, she's coming back.'

John's eyes dart to his daughter in shock, 'What?'

She pushes the door open and steps in, 'She's coming back to the school for a welcome back party. Do you want to come?'

He's never agreed to something so quickly. 

-

It's two weeks after he agrees that the party finally takes place, and he's suffered through every second knowing that he'd see her soon. It's a dark night with a disgusting misting of rain that he absolutely hates, and he couldn't be happier. 

He knows she'll be beautiful no matter what she's wearing, no matter how bad a state she's in. He just wants to see her, to apologise. Let her know that he needs her in his life. Maybe build a life that he could finally be proud of. 

-

He feels like he can't breath as he walks into the gymnasium, people scattered about, talking amongst themselves and not paying him any mind. His eyes dart around, desperate to land on the woman that has single handily torn his life apart and rearranged it to centre around her. And when he sees her, he knows that it's all been worth it. He starts breathing, taking in the air that he has needed since he first entered the room. 

She's absolutely gorgeous, even with her back turned to him, he notices as the air brings stimulation back to his brain, with her sundress with a sweater thrown over it, he can't imagine an outfit that would look better on her in this moment. His feet move to their own accord as he makes his way over to her and lightly places a hand on her shoulder to get her attention. She turns back to look at him, freezing up as her eyes meet his. As she shakes out of her stupor, she quickly turns to face him. 

'How'd you know I was here?' Her eyes light up in wonder. 

He nods towards the crowd of teenagers, trying not to let his excitement show, lazily giving her a lopsided smile, 'Ellis told me.'

'Of course,' she can't help but smile back at him, the gesture coming so naturally to her that she almost doesn't notice it and he feels his heart jump. 

'I suppose I should be welcoming you back,' he bows his head, hand reaching out to tentatively tangle his fingers with hers. 

'You don't have to do that,' her words are gentle, not of discouragement but instead of sincerity. 

'Clara,' his steely blue eyes shift up to meet hers as he lifts his head, 'I made a mistake.' 

Her whole body tenses and fear shoots though her, coming to rest as a sharp pain in her chest, 'Oh?'

'I know what it's like to lose someone and when I stopped things between us, I thought that would stop it from happening again. You weren't in a good place and neither was I. Hell, just last week I almost fell back into old habits just because I couldn't cope. The only thing stopping me was the thought of you. You make me want to be in a good place. You make me feel like the person I want to be, Clara,' he pauses, taking in an uneven breath, 'I thought letting go of you would be easier than losing you, but it's not. The thought of you being out there, of not knowing if you're okay or not, it kills me. There's no certainty in that. When I found out you got hurt, it tore me apart. I have a duty of care, Clara. I should have watched after you, I should have been there-'

'I never asked you for that,' the words are hardly there. 

He blinks at her, 'You shouldn't have to ask.'

Clara stares at him. 

'These have been the longest two weeks of my life and it's made me realise that I finally have something I want to hold onto,' his hand tightens around hers.

She doesn't know how to think, how to comprehend what he said. Instead, she asks the only question that seems clear in her mind, 'What about Ellis?'

'Ellis is more than just something to hold onto. She's the most important thing in the world to me and I would sooner die than lose her,' he pauses, smiling down at her, 'but I'm going to have to let go of her soon. She's going off to university in a few years and starting a life of her own.'

She knows it's completely unjustified, but she can't help but fall madly in love with the man in front of her, holding her hand and smiling sweetly down at her. 

'Clara Oswald, if you will let me, I would like to make you my entire universe.'

That would prove to be her undoing. She pushes herself up onto her toes and presses her lips to his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fucking love South Park now that's my thing. Leave a kudos if you enjoyed, comments are always appricated.


End file.
